Not a credit-card

I received an interesting piece of mail yesterday (Monday, March 25th, 2013), a gigantic white poster-board envelope about 11 by 14.
It was marked “Global Express Mail.”
“HUH?” I’d never heard of such a thing.
It looked like a U.S. Postal-Service thingy, except it wasn’t. As if it was meant to look that way.
“Look inside for your registered pre-loaded Platinum Preferred card” was printed in gigantic bold lettering on the outside.
Is this some credit-card solicitation? It looked like an ad from a local car-dealer. Credit-card solicitations are usually small.
Well, yrs trly opens everything, lest I shred something important.
About 95% of my mail gets shredded. But I’m not about to shred a jury-summons or a bill.
I opened the folder. “Time sensitive,” it blared. “Do not ship cash or liquids in this packaging.”
Another lurid blast from Vision Kia of nearby Canandaigua entreating me to buy a car.
Yes, there was indeed a card inside. It looked like a credit-card, but wasn’t a credit-card. (See above; the dots are glue.)
It had a sweepstakes number printed on it.
“Take this card to Vision Kia to see if you won a car!”
“Shredder for you, baby!” I shouted.
Is this their new angle?
No longer a fake key taped to the ad, that I should take to Vision Kia to see if I won a car.
Get the sucker to open the envelope. Dangle a fake credit-card in front of ‘em.
The other day my neighbor showed me a supposed check he received for two-million-plus dollars. All he had to do was send 20 dollars.
“In my shredder!” I shouted.
“How can people do that?” my neighbor asked. “I thought that was illegal.”
At least he’s leery. He’s like his deceased father, who used to be my neighbor before he died. —Now his son is my neighbor.
His father wouldn’t let a Mason leader into his house to give him an award.
“You ain’t givin’ me no award,” he shouted. “I don’t know you from the moon.”