Ain’t doin’ it!

My electric can-opener.

As my ability to operate a hand can-opener degraded with advancing age.......
.....I decided to get an electric can-opener.
I would try Mighty Lowes in nearby Canandaigua at first, where my wife and I bought a toaster and Osterizer a few years ago.
My wife died almost two years ago. I miss her dearly.
Lowes was no longer selling small kitchen appliances, only dishwashers, refrigerators, freezers, etc.
What to do.
I did not want to shop around, like Walmart*, where I might get kissed by a urine-smelling geezer.
So I fired up my Internet.
I cranked “electric can-opener” into my Froogle®, Google’s product search-engine.
Who knows if Froogle exists anymore; Google doesn’t promote it. If I’d cranked “electric can-opener” into my regular Google-search, I’d probably get the same hits.
There they all were; standing tall. At least they didn’t look like vacuum-cleaners, rejects from the Star Wars cantina-set.
I poked around, trying to find the best price.
They all would want shipping, which to me is about the same as shopping-around.
If I try store-to-store I’ll eat up hours I don’t have, and cost about the same as for gas.
I zeroed in on a stainless-steel Cuisinart® electric can-opener (pictured) available from Hammacher-Schlemmer.®
I ordered it; $49.95, plus $16.60 shipping and tax. Readers will weigh in with better deals, but I don’t have time to poke around.
That is, my time is more valuable than the ten bucks I might save.
Hammacher-Schlemmer sent me the can-opener. It arrived the other day (Thursday April 10th, 2014) UPS RediPost. I could hardly get it out of my mailbox; it had been wedged in.
The can-opener had been packed in a cardboard carton perhaps twice as big as the can-opener.
I had to deflate and toss three cushioning plastic air-sacks.
I finally unwrapped my can-opener and plugged it in. It worked as promised.
A gloom-and-doom brochure was included, warning “For Household Use Only.”
Listed were “important safeguards,” like “Do not open pressurized (aerosol-type) cans, and “Do not open cans of flammable liquids.”
Ah-DUH!
Like I might try a can of charcoal-lighter had I not read this warning, although I suppose there are those that would.
But I guess they gotta say this, lest some dork decide to sue — at the behest of some lawyer.
There also was notification I should register my can-opener at www.cuisinart.com.
Uh-ohhh....... Wave goodbye to a half-hour telling them I ski, etc.
As if my interest in photography has anything to do with the can-opener I bought.
So I fired up www.cuisinart.com, and clicked their “register” tab.
No, I don’t want to log-in, nor set up a log-in.
So began the long registration process, which fell into questions about my age, proclivities, etc.
My computer is on a work-area, and I use a peripheral keyboard. This ‘pyooter is a laptop, and has its own keyboard. But I use my peripheral because I can work it better.
I also have a peripheral mouse. My laptop has a swipe-pad, but compared to an actual mouse, it sucks.
I guess I’m old-school.
My peripheral keyboard has a calculator keypad at right. It also has an “enter” key, just like its qwerty keyboard.
I have to be careful lest I brush that “enter” key with my sleeve.
I began filling in the registration. All-of-a-sudden BAM! I got slammed to the next page.
The registration-page, which was more than three screen-pages, must have had a blue-highlighted “continue” button at the bottom. Breathe on your enter-key, and you get zoomed to the next page.
I tried the “back” button; back to the registration-page.
I continued filling it out. Lots of questions about inclinations and interests, plus the brands of my dishwasher, freezer, and stove.
BAM! Off it went again!
I hit my “back” button again, but I was back to square-one.
My registration-page was completely blank.
I’d have to fill it all in again.
“I ain’t doin’ it!” “I screamed. “I have a dog waiting for her walk.
You’ve already wasted 15-20 minutes asking me questions totally unrelated to this purchase, and now you want me to start over.
I ain’t doin’ it!”
I noticed an e-mail from Cuisinart before I shut off. “Thank you for registering your purchase.”

• I find it interesting I am now getting glittering e-mail catalogs from Hammacher-Schlemmer, which I promptly trash. I didn’t sign up for them. —Some time ago I “opted-out” of e-mail solicitations from a local charity. “Are you sure?” they begged. “We’ll miss you.” I continue getting them anyway.
• “‘Pyooter” is computer.
• A “qwerty keyboard” is the typical keyboard once used on typewriters. Look to the left and you’ll see the letters “Q-W-E-R-T-Y.” Computers use this.
• RE: “Blue-highlighted.....” A MAC OS-X thing. Active enter keys are blue-highlighted. (OS-X is the operating-system on this computer.)