Suckerberg

I see that Facebook, in its infinite wisdom, without my permission of course, has “upgraded” my Facebook to their silly timeline.
Despite my studiously avoiding to do so.
That is, every time Facebook invited me to “upgrade” to timeline, I steadfastly refused.
My sister-in-law in northern DE, an inveterate Facebook-user, tells me Facebook is doing this to random Facebookers.
I was one of the few Facebookers who hadn’t “upgraded” to timeline.
This was because I’m mad at Facebook. Sick of the targeted ads, their assumption I’m gonna fall for hotties.
The fact I’m 68 makes me ripe for mortgage-refinance.
Um, guys; I own my house free and clear.
Ads want to lower my credit-card interest-rate.
I hate to pop your balloon, Facebook, but I don’t pay credit-card interest.
I pay my credit-card bill in full every month (gasp).
Start charging me interest, and I’m closin’ the account!
The fact I even have a Facebook at all is due to a fast one on their part.
Perhaps five years ago a “friend-invite” appeared in my e-mail.
Okay, I followed it, but “in order to be a Facebook ‘friend,’ you must have a Facebook of your own.”
Little knowing what was happening, I set up a Facebook of my own.
And so began the targeted ads, and Facebook freezing my computer.
If I had any idea this was what I was getting into, I wouldn’t have set up my Facebook.
Supposedly Facebook is better than e-mail.
You can set up secret groups, but essentially it’s wide forking open.
I don’t know exactly how things work, but just about anything I say can be read by anyone, among my Facebook-”friends” that is.
—And I only have 39, not thousands and thousands.
I get friend-invites galore, but I turn ‘em down.
Facebook is always suggesting “friends” for me, but they can just forget it.
I put up with Facebook, primarily because I have too many actual friends that use Facebook to communicate.
I rarely look at my Facebook “home-page.”
Seems like people wake up and immediately post useless drivel to their Facebooks.
“I’m on the can,” etc. —The weather outside their window. Stuff I don’t care about.
And comments to this drivel are stupid and boring. “You go girl,” etc.
The latest navel-pickings. As if I’m supposed to find cogent meaning therein. Would Kierkegaard have a Facebook?
So I put up with Facebook, and they shove their silly timeline down my throat.
So now my Facebook is their dreaded timeline.
It’ll get glanced at as rarely as my old Facebook.

• “Suckerberg” is Mark Zuckerberg, head of Facebook.