Loss of spouse
Last night’s grief-share (Wednesday, August 8, 2012) was about loss of a spouse.
This was especially interesting to me, having lost a beloved spouse of 44 years to whom I was apparently very attached.
A card was being circulated to thank the food-preparers for the meal we get. I couldn’t sign it. I was too distracted by the DVD program.
Of interest was their saying one’s identity becomes the marriage, that who you are becomes the two of you.
One lady on the DVD was obviously distraught by the loss of her husband.
Their point was with one partner gone you have to reestablish your own identity.
There was also talk of sex and remarrying. I wasn’t interested, since -a) I’m not in the market, and -b) sex seems impossible for someone my age (68).
Of those in the grief-share. I’d say loss-of-spouse is a minority, but equal to all other losses.
Grief runs the gamut: loss of spouse, parent, sibling, relation, child.
Outsiders often don’t understand, they want us to “get over it.”
Can’t be done!
Any kind of grief can be devastating; I am distraught and heartbroken.
I probably won’t get over my wife’s death ever; she was the best friend I ever had.
What one learns is “how to live with it;” and I suppose this is how “it gets better.”
I suppose that’s what’s happening in my case, although for now I feel like I’m barely existing.
• My wife Linda died of cancer April 17, 2012. She was 68. I miss her dearly.
• The grief-share supplies us with a free meal. —Last night was some tomato-pasta dish.
This was especially interesting to me, having lost a beloved spouse of 44 years to whom I was apparently very attached.
A card was being circulated to thank the food-preparers for the meal we get. I couldn’t sign it. I was too distracted by the DVD program.
Of interest was their saying one’s identity becomes the marriage, that who you are becomes the two of you.
One lady on the DVD was obviously distraught by the loss of her husband.
Their point was with one partner gone you have to reestablish your own identity.
There was also talk of sex and remarrying. I wasn’t interested, since -a) I’m not in the market, and -b) sex seems impossible for someone my age (68).
Of those in the grief-share. I’d say loss-of-spouse is a minority, but equal to all other losses.
Grief runs the gamut: loss of spouse, parent, sibling, relation, child.
Outsiders often don’t understand, they want us to “get over it.”
Can’t be done!
Any kind of grief can be devastating; I am distraught and heartbroken.
I probably won’t get over my wife’s death ever; she was the best friend I ever had.
What one learns is “how to live with it;” and I suppose this is how “it gets better.”
I suppose that’s what’s happening in my case, although for now I feel like I’m barely existing.
• My wife Linda died of cancer April 17, 2012. She was 68. I miss her dearly.
• The grief-share supplies us with a free meal. —Last night was some tomato-pasta dish.
Labels: grief-share
posted by BobbaLew at 3:45 PM
1 Comments:
Nice summary of the session.
No, you will never "get over it" nor would you want to. When you love much, you grieve much. What you do want is to be able to have balance and find joy again. No need to feel guilty feeling joy again. Linda is experiencing incredible joy with her Maker. We will, too. In the meantime, we do the best we can without those we have lost... temporarily.
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