97,000 smackaroos

$92,000 base price, $97,000 as-tested.
“For what?” I cried.
Okay, it’s a factory hotrod version of a BMW sedan.
“Great, stuck in a traffic-jam with little to do other than twiddle the stereo-knobs, or call your mother on your cellphone to complain about your marriage-mate.”
I’m sorry, but I’ve become my paternal grandmother.
Performance is great fun, but I hardly can ever use it.
And if I do, I get waylaid by the constabulary, and line the pockets of local government.
What happens if my Ferrari won’t start?
How do I get to work?
And most of the time in NASCAR rush-hour I’m being parried by drones in inferior cars from Ford, General Motors, and Toyota.
Zippity-doo; I know what I have will skonk ‘em royally, but I usually can’t.
What I end up doing is avoid the NASCAR wannabees and ignorant grannies that cut me off unsignaled.
A while ago the dream of a Porsche (“poor-SHA”) Boxter wafted placidly through my brain.
A Porsche that didn’t cost 89 bazilyun dollars.
But then I saw what they wanted; still way too much.
Every once-in-a-while the Corvette sounds interesting, or perhaps the new Mustang (V8 of course).

My hairdresser’s StingRay.

My old hairdresser had a classic ’67 StingRay he had to part with, and it sounded interesting.
PASS! Where do I stretch such a thing out?
Welcome to the traffic-jam on Interstate-490. Please get in line.
And if an opening appears where I can floor it — not likely — I get the gendarmerie behind with sirens and flashing lights.
I agree with my grandmother. All the car has to do is start and run reliably.
And not cost a fortune.
Beyond that is posturing.
A $97,000 BMW makes no sense at all.

• Car & Driver is the automotive magazine I subscribe to — since 1966.
• “Interstate-490” is the main interstate into and out of Rochester, NY.