The ugliest car of all time

The ugliest car of all time.



Yrs trly finally had a chance to read a report in my May 2011 issue of Hemmings Classic Car Magazine, about the ugliest car of all time, the 1959 Oldsmobile.
The 1959 Chevrolet — pictured below — comes extremely close, but I always adjudged it the ugliest Chevrolet of all time, not the ugliest automobile of all time.


(Photo by BobbaLew.) The ugliest Chevrolet of all time.

Other cars were almost as ugly, e.g. the 1959 Pontiac, also pictured.

1959 Pontiac.

Just about every 1959 General Motors offering was ugly.
The only one that wasn’t was the 1959 Buick, also pictured.
Although I look at it now, and it’s garish.
The ’59 Buick was the only offering that successfully pulled off the 1959 General Motors re-stylings.
Massive gull-wing fins, and exaggerated width.
Things were better in the 1960 model-year — the ’60 Chevy still had massive gull-wing fins, but looked okay.
The ’59 Cadillac, also pictured, had giant sweeping vertical tailfins considered the extreme of the chrome tailfin era.
It didn’t look too bad, but its front-end doesn’t match.

1959 Buick.

This was especially true of the ’59 Chevy.
The front-end was an el-cheapo anodized aluminum stamping with punched cut-outs.
It’s a variation of the same cheap anodized aluminum stamping used in the ’58 Chevy grill.
Put those gull-wings on a DelRay two-door business-sedan, and it looks ridiculous.
Not too bad on the BelAir two-door hardtop pictured.
The BelAir hardtop was supposed to look dramatic.
Putting gull-wings on a DelRay is sloppily applied lipstick on a pig.

1959 Cadillac.

Growing up a teenager in the late ‘50s in northern Delaware the family across-the-street from us had a ’59 Oldsmobile.
Same color as pictured, but I think theirs was a four-door sedan.
The family’s last name was “Ball,” and they had a teenaged daughter named Cindy a year older than me.
She had learned to drive in that Olds, and was somewhat intimidated by its size and weight,
This was about the time Driver-Ed was starting — I didn’t do Driver-Ed.
The Olds was the family car, and had the usual four-speed Hydramatic automatic transmission.
She told me about flooring it once, causing great fear and consternation.
There was a detent in the accelerator-travel. Go past that detent, and you’re engaging “passing-gear.”
The Hydramatic downshifted a gear or two, and all-of-a-sudden the giant motor was revving for the moon.
The motor was the same 394 cubic-inch engine used in the pictured car; 435 foot-pounds of torque at 2,800 rpm.
At that time 394 cubic inches was HUGE.
Scared the living daylights out of her.
My family’s ’53 Chevy Powerglide six had the same detent, although Powerglide was only two speeds.
It tried it. Floored it!
The Powerglide dropped into Low, and all-of-a-sudden the old Stovebolt was revving for the moon.
Although a Stovebolt in Passing-Gear wasn’t hang-on-for-dear-life.
At college during the early ‘60s I became friends with a guy two classes ahead of me who drove a ’59 Olds.
Same color, and I think his was also a four-door hardtop, just like the car pictured.
“Ugliest car ever made,” I thought, but he really loved that car.
Once we drove to an art-museum in Buffalo — a long and pleasant cruise.
I could see why he liked it.
“Ugliest car ever,” but it rode great — a majestic land-ship.
The car pictured is unrestored original with only about 9,000 miles.
The kind of car “Classic Car” editor Richard Lentinello loves.
The original owner in Colorado bought it to assuage his wife, who was filing for divorce.
His effort failed, but he liked the car — and his ex-wife — so much, he stored the car in a barn.
When he finally died, his heirs were loathe to part with it, until someone came along who knew how valuable it was.
It’s still unrestored original, as delivered by the factory, just a minor doll-up.
The engine and tranny have never been apart.
No matter, it’s still the ugliest car ever; it looks like it was styled by a committee.
“We need them taillights, JB; and what’s an Olds without flipper hubcaps?”

• The Chevrolet overhead-valve inline “Stovebolt-six” was introduced in the 1929 model-year at 194+ cubic inches. It continued production for years, upgraded to four main bearings (from three) for the 1937 model-year. In 1950 the Stovebolt was upsized to 235.5 cubic inches (from 216), and later upgrades included full-pressure lubrication and hydraulic (as opposed to mechanical) valve-tappets. The Stovebolt was produced clear through the 1963 model-year, but replaced with a new seven-main bearing (as opposed to less — like four) inline-six engine in the 1964 model-year. The Stovebolt was also known as “the cast-iron wonder;” called the “Stovebolt” because various bolts could be replaced by stuff from the corner hardware.
• I attended Houghton College (“HO-tin;” as in “oh,” not “how” or “who”) in western New York, where I graduated with a BA in 1966. I’ve never regretted it, although I graduated as a Ne’er-do-Well, without their blessing. Houghton is an evangelical liberal-arts college. (Houghton was about 80-90 miles from Buffalo, NY.)
• “Tranny” = transmission.