Garbage in/garbage out

“What a great idea!” we thought.
A friend of my wife had set up his iPhone to be a tracking device.
He was driving to Rochester from Columbus, OH, and my wife would get an e-mail link which fired up a Google-map of the road he was on, and his exact location.
“There he is on the Thruway.”
Such applications were also available for Droid® SmartPhones, one of which I have.
So theoretically my wife could track my progress on a long trip I was taking alone.
It relies on the fact a cellphone renders to the satellite the exact geodesic coordinates of where it is.
But you need an “app” on your phone to be the translator, and e-mail your follower.
So we’ll try it. Probably it can track my trips to the Canandaigua YMCA, 15-17 miles away.
Doing so would be a precursor to trips over long distances.
Okay, so what “app” did my wife’s friend use?
“Family-Tracker.”
I fired up the App-Store on my SmartPhone, and found “Family-Tracker.” I downloaded and installed it.
“Welcome to ‘Family GP;’ new user, we suggest you take the tour.”
“Hmmmmnnnn....... Is this actually ‘Family-Tracker?’”
Well, it was free.
So I fire up the tour.
First window: “know where preverts are in your area.”
“Swipe left to continue the tour.
“What does ‘swipe’ mean?” I ask.
Okay, I swipe left; NOTHING!
I try again; NOTHING!
I try again; VIOLA! A whole new display appears.
“Wherein was that any different?” I ask. “All swipes were the same.”
I try again; another new window appears.
I swipe left; NOTHING!
I try again; NOTHING!
We seem to be stalled.
”Maybe the tour was just those three windows,” my wife suggests.
I don’t think so! A three-window tour, and each window has an “Exit” button?
Okay, put it away — try again later.
I fire up a few hours later, and start the tour again.
I swipe left; NOTHING!
I try again; NOTHING!
I try yet again; NOTHING!
We seem to be stalled at the first window.
“Make sense a’ dat,” I shout.
“Every time I approach this thing I get some mysterious unknown.
It throws up some new hairball that was entirely unpredicted.”
“It’s only doing what you tell it,” my wife says. “Garbage in/garbage out.”
“Yeah, I do repeatable actions, and each time I get a different result never seen before. I do as told, and nothing happens.”
So now I have three apps, two recently downloaded and installed, one pre-installed, all of which lob steaming hairballs at me.
None are delivering as promised, and one cost money.

• I work out in the Canandaigua YMCA Exercise-Gym, appropriately named the “Wellness-Center,” usually three days per week, about three-four hours per visit. (“Canandaigua” [“cannan-DAY-gwuh”] is a small city to the east nearby where we live in Western NY. The city is also within a rural town called “Canandaigua.” The name is Indian, and means “Chosen Spot.” It’s about 15-17 miles away. —We live in the small rural town of West Bloomfield in Western NY, southeast of Rochester.)