A viable telemarketer

For the past couple weeks we’ve been receiving a daily call to my cellphone from the 412 area-code.
“I don’t know anyone from that area-code!”
My wife Googled the 412 area-code. It’s southwestern PA near Pittsburgh.
“Sounds like some telemarketer,” I said; “or some nationwide charity solicitation.
And they ain’t gettin’ nuthin after what Joel Freedman told me.”
Joel Freedman is a humanitarian activist local to Canandaigua.
“I have enough return-address stickers to last three lifetimes,” he told me once.
Seems yrs trly gets a solicitation from March of Dimes every week. —And Easter Seals in July, and Christmas-Seals all year.
I remember when March of Dimes only solicited in March, which was when I’d give them money.
I had to explain that to some March of Dimes telephone solicitor last August, who’d called me with her hand out.
Now they don’t get anything, not after what Joel Freedman told me.
Yet I continually am bombarded with return-address labels, and florid note-pads, all of which I shred.
Not too long ago my cellphone rang during my afternoon nap, from 412-773-????.
My cellphone is a SmartPhone; you can’t just answer it.
And my wife didn’t know the drill.
“Hello? Hello?” It kept ringing.
“Ya gotta unlock the display,” I said.
I hit “answer” — NOTHING!
“Too late,” I said. “It went to voicemail.”
I showed her how to answer my SmartPhone.
Next day “Ring-Ring.” (At least it’s not “Ride of the Valkyries” or “When the Saints Go Marching In.”)
“Here, you answer it,” she said, after bringing me my phone.
My SmartPhone has two options: “answer” and “voicemail.”
It also identifies the caller; “caller-ID.”
412-773-???? is unknown; otherwise it names the caller from my contact-list.
“I ain’t answerin’,” I said. “Voicemail for them!”
Same thing next day, although this time they did voicemail.
“You’re gonna hafta voicemail,” I’d said.
It was a voicemail of deafening silence, punctuated by heavy breathing and occasional chair-creaking.
“To delete this message, press seven.”
BOINK!
They called the next day, but this time left a voicemail.
“Hello, Mr. Hughes. Some time ago you installed one of our tankless water-heaters.
We have options you may wish to purchase.”
A tankless water-heater heats water as it flows through. There’s no holding-tank.
It cost a fortune, but we got an energy credit.
I don’t think it reduced our gas-bill.
A regular tank-type water-heater runs out, but tankless won’t. You use more hot water.
Gosh, a viable telemarketer, but no bells-and-whistles for this kid.

• “Joel Freedman” has frequently had Guest Essays published in The “Mighty Mezz.” (He’s a member of the YMCA where I work out.)
• “Canandaigua” (“cannan-DAY-gwuh”) is a small city nearby where we live in Western NY. The city is also within a rural town called “Canandaigua.” The name is Indian, and means “Chosen Spot.” —It’s about 15 miles away.
• The “Mighty Mezz” is the Canandaigua Daily-Messenger newspaper, from where I retired over five years ago. Best job I ever had — I worked there almost 10 years.
• I work out in the Canandaigua YMCA Exercise-Gym, appropriately named the “Wellness-Center,” usually three days per week, about three-four hours per visit.
• “Mr. Hughes” is me, Bob Hughes, “BobbaLew.”