See-saws with air-bags

I don’t blog topics that were in the Canandaigua Daily-Messenger newspaper, from where I retired over five years ago.
To me that’s second-guessing, Monday-morning quarterbacking.
But a story in their Sunday paper yesterday caught my eye.
That’s February 13, 2011.
A mother in a nearby town is suing other towns $5 million in damages after her 9-year-old son fell off a see-saw and broke his elbow.
In a recreation-program sponsored by those towns.
$5 million!
My immediate reaction was “what’s the lawyer’s cut? 20 percent, 25 percent, one-third?”
Her suit complains the see-saw wasn’t compliant with state standards.
Don’t give ‘em any ideas.
Soon a lumbering committee will be convened to promulgate state standards for see-saws.
I can see it now. See-saws with full harness systems. And air-bags.
When I was in fourth grade, Ronald Hansen and I used to frighten our teacher with our antics on the school swings.
The A-frame that supported those swings was about 12 feet high, and the swing-chains were about nine feet.
The swing-seats were three-foot orange planks, not the rubber sling ya see now.
We’d get the swings as high as we could, to mimic aerial dog-fights between German Messerschmitts and American fighter-planes.
“Messerschmitt at twelve-o’clock high,” we’d shout. “Ratta-tatta-ratta-tatta-ratta-tatta!”
Shot out of the sky we’d execute extravagant spins.
Our teacher, stodgy old Mrs. Marlin, was terrified.
Yet here I am to talk about it.
The swing-set stayed together, and I wasn’t dumped on the playground.
Gravel had been dumped in a mound to block an unused road right-of-way.
We youngsters used that mound to jump our bicycles.
We’d careen flat-out toward that mound, zoom over it, and catch air on the other side.
The complaint alleged no one was supervising the see-saw.
Well, that makes sense, I guess.
And that no one notified her, when her son broke his elbow.
But a state-compliant see-saw?
Good grief!
Years ago I was on a jury-trial for a car accident.
A young driver had plowed into an older gentleman backing his car out of a driveway.
A hot-shot lawyer, apparently a friend of the younger driver, was brought in to sue millions of dollars in damages.
Didn’t work!
Our jury decided the suit was frivolous.
Photos were presented of the young driver’s car, and damage was slight.
—Like impact was at five-miles-per-hour or less.
Beyond that, Junior wasn’t wearing his seatbelt, a legal requirement in this state.
We awarded maybe $5,000; perhaps less.
The defendant was relieved.
Justice had prevailed — the judge was pleased.
Mr. hot-shot lawyer was befuddled.

• By law, seatbelts must be used in New York State.