Roulette

(FROM THE VAUNTED “AIN’T TECHNOLOGY WONDERFUL” FILE)

We think the world of our Motorola RAZR cellphones, although from what I can see they’re probably old hat by now.
Most cellphones I see nowadays aren’t RAZR; flip-phones, but a little smaller.
(I’M SURE OLD SUPERIOR-MOUTH WILL WEIGH IN NOISILY AT THIS POINT TO TELL ME RAZRS ARE 20TH CENTURY TECHNOLOGY, ALTHOUGH MY RESEARCH SAYS 2005.)
—Although in today’s world, if technology is over three years old (like Internet-Explorer or Windoze XP) it’s antique.
The size of the RAZR is partly what works in its favor.
Our previous cellphones were smaller, but the tiny keys were like match-heads.
You had to use a pencil for fear of hitting two keys at once.
The RAZR’s display is bright, but I could use brighter still.
Our old cellphones washed out outside in sunlight. You can use the RAZR outside, but you have to get in the shade.
What’s strange is turning it off.
Every attempt is a roulette game; what’s it gonna do this time?
The usual drill is an off-screen followed by chimes, and then the display goes off.
But that’s not what always happens.
Sometimes no off-screen; sometimes no chimes. Sometimes the display goes to neutral gray, and doesn’t actually go off until I flip the phone closed.
Other times the phone doesn’t go off at all — I have to pull the battery.
And then there is disconnecting the charger.
I always charge the phone off (says I should), but disconnecting the charger sometimes turns the phone on.
“Bing-bong-bing-bong-bing-bong-bing!” at 3 a.m.
“Who programmed these things?” I always say. “Some Microsoft graduate?”

“Old superior-mouth” is my loudmouthed macho brother-from-Boston “Jack;” who noisily badmouths everything I do or say. He accuses me of being inferior and stupid regarding technology. He says I should use Internet-Explorer and Windoze XP (like him), which are both at least 10 years old. I have Internet-Explorer but hardly use it because it’s inferior to FireFox.

RE: “Who programmed these things? Some Microsoft graduate?” —My siblings say I am utterly stupid and reprehensible for preferring the Apple platform. (Jesus used a PC.)