No woman will ever be attracted to you!

—“With any luck sometime I’ll get to tell you my ***** story.”
I’d say that to my lifeguard friend at Canandaigua’s YMCA swimming pool.
If things go anything like usual, I’ll get the sudden ***** “drop-everything” look.
This happened before.
“You go swim your laps!” I told her. (She swims laps to stay in shape, and looks pretty good despite her age.)
“No, I wanna hear your story first,” she said.
To someone with the childhood I had, the fact a pretty lady would wanna hear my story is beyond comprehension.
“No pretty lady will wanna hear your story, Bobby! You are EVIL and disgusting!”
I think ***** joined with another of my lifeguard friends to coach me in my ongoing endeavor to successfully interact with women.
70+ years avoiding women. “No female will ever have anything to do with you! All males, including you at age-5, are EVIL — hearts sullied by lust!”
I long ago made a deal with that other lifeguard, that she not give up on me, inexperienced and clumsy as I am.
She hasn’t. And I think ***** and I may have a similar deal. Not ironclad or specific, but a deal mayhap.
A while ago she said she would show up on the same day I showed up for my aquatic therapy class.
“Well in that case,” I said to myself; “I guess I better show up. I do like meeting *****.”
15–16 consecutive times so far.
She counteracts my hoary childhood just by wanting to hang with me.
“While you were in Florida,” I would say; “I struck up conversations with two of your new cohorts, ****** and *****.
With ****** I bombed. That poor girl may have been hit-on sometime. With her I’m a loathsome lothario, eager to FLIRT with every pretty young thing that comes along, to make myself feel desirable.
***** is a different story.
A week later she was lifeguarding, and she kept glancing at me. Not making eyes or flirtatious; just tiny nanosecond glances every time we passed each other.
‘I think she wants me to speak to her,’ I thought to myself. Just let her know she still attracts me. I spoke to her a week ago, so I should wanna speak to her again. (I finally did, and successfully.)
Our relationship continued. She lifeguarded again a week later, and seemed hurt I didn’t say hello. I didn’t want her to think I was chasing her.
Finally I said something to her, then ‘don’t walk away; I wanna say goodbye!’”
Readers, Yr Fthfl Srvnt has come a long way since his wife died.
(Two months ago I woulda walked out without saying anything. Say hello to a pretty young girl? Impossible!)
“BAM! She smiled at me; I’d made her feel attractive. I could see it in her eyes.
And *****, I am better at interacting with women, I guess.
She wanted me to like her, I still do, and it’s not EVIL or lust-crazed. (GASP!)
All we do is talk, and women love talking.
And much to my pleasant surprise, women seem to gravitate toward me, probably because I encourage ‘em to talk.”
“No woman will ever be attracted to you!”