Another “Relations with the opposite sex” celebration

(Sorry, readers. All too many pleasantries are occurring, and they all involve women.

—“I’m trying to eat my breakfast-cereal before 4 PM.”
I shouted that to one of my lady friends as I drove out of their boarding kennel. (She was driving in.)
The other day I walked my dog on “the peaceful walk through nature.” It’s Ontario Pathways rail-trail. But the part I hike probably isn’t the part my lady-friend calls “a peaceful walk through nature.”
That rail-trail is drying out. There’s water here and there, but my dog needs much more.
3.2 miles and only one water stop is probably a bit much for both of us.
—Okay, time for a smile. We would go to my pet-supply in Canandaigua, in hopes ******** (“Cutie Pie“) would be there.
“Bark-Bark-Bark-Bark!” as I entered. Then “Look who’s here!” I yelled.
“Killian!” ******** shrieked, arms reaching skyward for a gigantic hug.
Then “What fun would it be to come here without Killian?” I asked.
Our eyes met, and hers were smiling. We were wearing masks, but her eyes gave her away.
And what pretty eyes they were = sparkling and bright. And unlike 10 years ago I look right at ‘em.
(“Don’t do that to me,” I think. “With eyes like that I melt.)
—Next smile would hopefully be at my boarding kennel, which I pass on my way home.
I’d only pull in if a car I recognized was in the parking lot. *****’s mother’s car was outside.
***** came out and struck a pose, smiling. Cute as could be and only 19. “I’m old enough to be your grandfather,” I said.
Yada-yada-yada-yada-yada — we talked and talked and talked and talked and talked.
“***** and ****** aren’t here,” she said.
“But you are,” I said.
I falter some; shocked I do as well as I do = say the right things at the right time = practice.
“NO PRETTY GIRL WILL TALK TO YOU!” Yet this girl wouldn’t leave. (“He’s makin’ me feel wonderful; and he’s not a creep.”)
Finally, “I sure am glad I stopped.”
“I’m glad you stopped too,” she smiled. (UNBELIEVABLE!)
A pretty girl wants to hang out with me? (Again, UNBELIEVABLE!)
Smile-fix number two, or four; WHATEVER.
“NO PRETTY GIRL WILL SMILE AT YOU!” Smile like that and I am done.
“If you only knew,” I said to myself as a motored out their driveway.
—But WHOA! Here comes smile-fix number three, or six; WHATEVER.
It’s ***** and ******, co-owners of the kennel. ***** was driving, so she pulled next to me. We opened our side windows, and the wisecracks began.
“I can weave corn-braids into your hair,” ***** said.
“Oh STOP!” I shouted.
Laugh-laugh-laugh-laugh-laugh. Make ‘em laugh! They love it.
And I love it too. It’s flip-flopping 70+ years of my sordid history.
My hyper-religious parents and neighbor Sunday-School superintendent spin in their graves.
14,000 RPM, enough to power Florida south of Orlando.

• A recent crotch-rocket motorcycle might be capable of 14,000 rpm. A Detroit V8 will start tearing itself apart at 8,000 (if it gets there).