Reunited
—This morning, even though my beloved wife has been gone over eight years……..
I felt reunited. Dream-state mayhap. She’s no longer there when I roll over — the one who shared our bed over 44 years.
Maybe five nights alone over those 44&1/2 years. But otherwise always together, me holding on to her.
A while ago a neighbor’s friend told how he loved getting away from his wife. “Not this kid!” I shouted, much to his embarrassed befuddlement.
“My wife and I have always been best friends. She’s the one I love getting back to,” I noted.
I had a dreadful childhood. My wife did too, although not as bad as me. Her mother was a pill, but her father liked her.
With me it was both parents, although my mother began to realize my father was losing me. Hyper-religion! I was stupid and rebellious because I couldn’t worship my holier-than-thou father.
My father probably had a difficult childhood himself. I know his brother and sister did. They tell me stories!
Even during her cancer my wife always tried to sleep with me. We’d start out together, but after a while she’d depart for our living-room to try sleeping on our sofa.
She was uncomfortable I guess; although she never told me. She had to sleep sitting.
Toward the end she got a cushion to allow sleep-sitting in our bed. We’d always slept together, and she wanted to sleep with me.
But it didn’t work. She had to leave.
I tear up writing this. I lost a really good one.
No idea how I did as well as I did.
My counselor tells me I struck gold. A wife perfect for someone as messed up as I was.
Things have changed since my wife died. I came to realize my parents and the church-zealots were WRONG!
My childhood is history, but self-loathing continues. Plus my negative perception of myself.
But I can talk to pretty girls, even “flirt” (so-called, although I’m told talking between sexes is evil only to the hyper-religious). 10 years ago I couldn’t talk to pretty girls.
So now I feel bad my wife can’t experience who I became. And my counselor says my wife made that possible.
I miss my wife; she can’t be replaced.
I felt reunited. Dream-state mayhap. She’s no longer there when I roll over — the one who shared our bed over 44 years.
Maybe five nights alone over those 44&1/2 years. But otherwise always together, me holding on to her.
A while ago a neighbor’s friend told how he loved getting away from his wife. “Not this kid!” I shouted, much to his embarrassed befuddlement.
“My wife and I have always been best friends. She’s the one I love getting back to,” I noted.
I had a dreadful childhood. My wife did too, although not as bad as me. Her mother was a pill, but her father liked her.
With me it was both parents, although my mother began to realize my father was losing me. Hyper-religion! I was stupid and rebellious because I couldn’t worship my holier-than-thou father.
My father probably had a difficult childhood himself. I know his brother and sister did. They tell me stories!
Even during her cancer my wife always tried to sleep with me. We’d start out together, but after a while she’d depart for our living-room to try sleeping on our sofa.
She was uncomfortable I guess; although she never told me. She had to sleep sitting.
Toward the end she got a cushion to allow sleep-sitting in our bed. We’d always slept together, and she wanted to sleep with me.
But it didn’t work. She had to leave.
I tear up writing this. I lost a really good one.
No idea how I did as well as I did.
My counselor tells me I struck gold. A wife perfect for someone as messed up as I was.
Things have changed since my wife died. I came to realize my parents and the church-zealots were WRONG!
My childhood is history, but self-loathing continues. Plus my negative perception of myself.
But I can talk to pretty girls, even “flirt” (so-called, although I’m told talking between sexes is evil only to the hyper-religious). 10 years ago I couldn’t talk to pretty girls.
So now I feel bad my wife can’t experience who I became. And my counselor says my wife made that possible.
I miss my wife; she can’t be replaced.
posted by BobbaLew at 1:30 PM
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