Paranoid
—“I have a humble request,” I said to a classmate in our aquatic balance-training class.
We were at Canandaigua’s YMCA swimming-pool, and our class had just finished.
Face-to-face communicatin’ at that swimming-pool is extremely difficult. Not only are there echoes and noise, but my listener wasn’t familiar with my subject. Add the messiness of my stroke-effected speech (aphasia), and face-to-face communicatin’ becomes near impossible.
“There is a lady in our class who I think had cancer. She may be a widow, but I dare not ask.”
“Paranoid,” my friend said.
“Sure I am,” I’d say. “I’ve crashed too many times! If I, a male, say anything to a lady I’m automatically suspect.”
“Uh-ohhh...... He’s on-the-make; a lonely hot-to-trot widower!”
So far the only one that didn’t do that was this lady-friend, so often it’s just she and me eating out together. We bereavers eat out once per week. (My friend is also a widow.) Often other bereavers attend.
The one who says I’m paranoid is of course that lady.
“Bob, if you like walking your dog with ****** **** as much as you say you do, you should tell her that.” That was another lady-friend.
Finally after 45 minutes of my arguing against it, I did, and it crashed mightily.
No response at all; not even a “no.”
So if I ask that cancer-survivor if she’s a widow, I expect a similar crash.
“Uh-ohhh...... A lonely hot-to-trot widower!”
“So why don’t you ask ****** ****?” my friend said. ****** **** was nearby.
Enter difficulty of face-to-face in that pool area.
“I don’t wanna ask ****** **** to join our eat-outs,” I thought. “I’ve caused enough trouble already,” and that wasn’t my intent, although what I said could be misinterpreted — this was an unfamiliar topic.
“I think the lady’s name was ****.”
Enter ****** ****; she’d ask another lady if **** was a widow.
“I have an appointment,” my lady-friend said.
“We’ll talk about it during our eat-out tomorrow,” I said.
Face-to-face always bombs, especially in that pool-area. Plus I’m trying to communicate an unknown. And my speech is always messy: mucked up by frenzied searching for better words when my speech-center is already compromised.
****** **** later told me **** was not a widow.
• I do aquatic balance training in the Canandaigua YMCA’s swimming-pool, two hour classes per week — plus a third hour on my own.
• My beloved wife of 44&1/2 years died of cancer April 17th, 2012. I still miss her. BEST friend I ever had, and after my childhood I needed one. She actually liked me.
• I’m therefore a widower, but not lonely, nor hot-to-trot. I been on-my-own almost eight years.
We were at Canandaigua’s YMCA swimming-pool, and our class had just finished.
Face-to-face communicatin’ at that swimming-pool is extremely difficult. Not only are there echoes and noise, but my listener wasn’t familiar with my subject. Add the messiness of my stroke-effected speech (aphasia), and face-to-face communicatin’ becomes near impossible.
“There is a lady in our class who I think had cancer. She may be a widow, but I dare not ask.”
“Paranoid,” my friend said.
“Sure I am,” I’d say. “I’ve crashed too many times! If I, a male, say anything to a lady I’m automatically suspect.”
“Uh-ohhh...... He’s on-the-make; a lonely hot-to-trot widower!”
So far the only one that didn’t do that was this lady-friend, so often it’s just she and me eating out together. We bereavers eat out once per week. (My friend is also a widow.) Often other bereavers attend.
The one who says I’m paranoid is of course that lady.
“Bob, if you like walking your dog with ****** **** as much as you say you do, you should tell her that.” That was another lady-friend.
Finally after 45 minutes of my arguing against it, I did, and it crashed mightily.
No response at all; not even a “no.”
So if I ask that cancer-survivor if she’s a widow, I expect a similar crash.
“Uh-ohhh...... A lonely hot-to-trot widower!”
“So why don’t you ask ****** ****?” my friend said. ****** **** was nearby.
Enter difficulty of face-to-face in that pool area.
“I don’t wanna ask ****** **** to join our eat-outs,” I thought. “I’ve caused enough trouble already,” and that wasn’t my intent, although what I said could be misinterpreted — this was an unfamiliar topic.
“I think the lady’s name was ****.”
Enter ****** ****; she’d ask another lady if **** was a widow.
“I have an appointment,” my lady-friend said.
“We’ll talk about it during our eat-out tomorrow,” I said.
Face-to-face always bombs, especially in that pool-area. Plus I’m trying to communicate an unknown. And my speech is always messy: mucked up by frenzied searching for better words when my speech-center is already compromised.
****** **** later told me **** was not a widow.
• I do aquatic balance training in the Canandaigua YMCA’s swimming-pool, two hour classes per week — plus a third hour on my own.
• My beloved wife of 44&1/2 years died of cancer April 17th, 2012. I still miss her. BEST friend I ever had, and after my childhood I needed one. She actually liked me.
• I’m therefore a widower, but not lonely, nor hot-to-trot. I been on-my-own almost eight years.
posted by BobbaLew at 7:27 PM
1 Comments:
I try not to think so hard about something -- it works better for me. Just go with the flow and enjoy people -- that's what I try to do, but sometimes things come out wrong, but that's the way it goes. I enjoy getting out with the group -- it's something I wouldn't do alone, plus who would I talk to?? People at thenext table wouldn't really want to hear from me! Actually not sure the people I'm with want to hear from me. Oh well, as long I get invited it doesn't matter. Paranoid?? Yes sometimes.
Janet
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