“Chatting” with Christa

“Hello Robert. Thanks for chatting with me this afternoon. I hope you're doing well and I am happy to assist you.”
(Oh STOP! Just answer my question!)
“There should be an orange link at the top right hand side of the web page that says “checkout” or “basket”.
(Yer double-quotes should be after the period, honey! Tub-thumping CONSERVATIVES LOUDLY excoriated our Mighty Mezz head-honcho for faux pas like that.)
“You can access the basket here: https://www.orvis.com/store/basket.aspx
Are you still with me?
I’m sorry, but I believe that we may have been disconnected as I have not heard from you in some time. If you have any other questions, please feel free to come back into chat or you may e-mail me at cs@orvis.com and I'll be glad to assist you further.”
(Yep. I split. —Meanwhile, can you say “comma?” Yer blathering is desperately in need of commas. You can also trash “that.” [The proofer speaks! Mouthing the advice of my good friend ****** ******, ex of the Mighty Mezz = “Keep it short.”])
Two months ago, Yr Fthfl Srvnt got a new rescue Irish Setter to replace Scarlett, who I put down last Thanksgiving. She made 13.
My new dog’s name is “Killian;” he’s nine, a divorce victim. Like Scarlett I always walk him on-leash. If I didn’t I’d lose him. Sense a deer and zoom!
I also had him chipped. A microchip was inserted in the flesh atop his neck. A chipped dog’s owner can be identified.
I also ordered a personalized collar with my name and cellphone number embroidered on it. That saved Scarlett twice.
Unfortunately that new collar is too big. I ordered “large” when I shoulda ordered “medium.”
Almost two months have passed with Killian wearing Scarlett’s old collar, only because that has my phone-number. I been getting flak from people to get Killian his own collar.
It was so hot I couldn’t mow, so I had time to drill a new hole which would tighten the oversized collar. Still too big; part of the lettering was obscured.
I figgered I’d order a “medium” — I could afford 26 buckaroos. I fired up “Froogle,” in search of personalized dog-collars.
Begin online ordering; what I did months ago to misorder. Where I found Scarlett’s collar, also online, I have no idea. That was 10 years ago.
I measured Scarlett’s collar to get the correct size. The misorder was 4-5 inches too long.
At this point friends tell me to quit being rebellious and stupid. I should drive all over creation, perhaps 100 miles, to accept something I don’t want.
Well, online leads to what I do want, and I’m not leaving my house. And Heaven-forbid I prefer dickering wondrous technology.
Color-choice = blue.
Embroidery-choice = white. I had to peruse three or four sites to get that. Many don’t allow lettering color-choice.
I set up to order. “Place in basket.”
At this point stroke-effects horn in. “Scroll the site dude; there’s a lot more than what’s on yer screen.”
Okay, where’s “view-cart”or “place order?” I don’t even see “continue.” I looked around, stroke compromised as usual. I noticed “chat.” I clicked that.
So began my “chat” with Christa. Yeah I know: born in the wrong century, and we never went to no Moon. And now quotes come before end punctuation, unless yer Limberger railing against the media.
In her favor Christa prompted my ordering a collar for Killian. Which I hope gets critics off my back.

• The “Mighty Mezz” is the Canandaigua Daily-Messenger newspaper, from where I retired over 12 years ago. Best job I ever had — I was employed there almost 10 years — over 11 if you count my time as a post-stroke unpaid intern. (I had a heart-defect caused stroke October 26th, 1993, from which I recovered fairly well. That defect was repaired.)
• “Limberger” is Rush Limbaugh. I call him that because I think he stinks.