“I have a college degree”

“College-grads break ‘em; high-school grads fix ‘em.”
So said a clerk at the shoe-store where I was buying water-shoes = sneakers for my aquacise class.
“How do I get these things loose?” I asked, planning to try ‘em on. “I have college degree!”
“Here, lemme show ya,” the clerk said. Which is when he said “college-grads break ‘em; high-school grads fix ‘em.”
He was referring to his time as a jet-mechanic in the Air Force. The F-16 fighter-jocks were all college-grads, but the jet-mechanics got only as far as high-school.
There it is, readers: a line worth stealing.
The other day, eating out with a fellow widower in a supermarket café, I purchased “sauced spaghetti” to eat for dinner. After a long detailed conversation with the deli-clerk, I was handed a microwave container of sauced spaghetti.
“Make sure ya take the lid off before you microwave it; it’s not wave-able.”
“To avoid spaghetti slathered in melted plastic,” I remarked.
I began looking for a microwave. “I know it’s in here somewhere, but I don’t see it.”
“Down in that corner,” another clerk pointed.
Insert topless spaghetti container into microwave. “What’s the trick?” I asked another clerk. “You can tell I graduated college, can’t you? One of them hoity-toity ‘liberials’ who refuse to goosestep to Limberger.”
Somehow I set it for four minutes at 100 percent, enough to convert my spaghetti to ash. I opened the door at two minutes, took my spaghetti out, reclosed the door, and the microwave continued the remaining two minutes.
My head left college filled with Canterbury Tales, Shakespeare, Bach, etc. Also the history of western civilization, plus how to appear you did a huge amount of work with little actual effort.
But can I dicker shoestrings or microwaves? I recruit supposedly clueless uneducated.

• RE: “liberials......” —I’ve been told by various tub-thumping CONSERVATIVES, mostly among my siblings, that’s how “Liberal” is spelled.
• “Limberger” is Rush Limbaugh. I call him that because I think he stinks.