At long last......

My peripheral keyboard is in front. (iPhone photo by BobbaLew.)

My ancient Apple keyboard, which came with my long-ago G4 tower, needs to be replaced.
Blame Rodney Dangerfield. The keyboard didn’t just quit. I upchucked on it laughing at a YouTube Dangerfield video. Dangerfield was being interviewed by Jay Leno, and had Leno hiding under his desk, expressing fear his show would be taken off the air.
All-of-a-sudden ULP!
All over the spacebar, splat-key, option, etc. Also some of the nearest typewriter keys: “N,” “M,” “B,” and “V.”
“Splat-V” is a hot-key = “paste.” (There goes that function.)
I tried to sop it up. I’d let it dry overnight, and hope it still worked.
Thankfully I have an alternative: this laptop’s keyboard. The ancient keyboard was peripheral. I was using it because it’s faster.
Wireless? Are you kidding? That keyboard is probably 20-25 years old. Its hard-wired to a laptop USB port, plus my mouse is also hard-wired. Hardly state-of-the-art, but they did what I wanted.
My mouse used to be USB-ed into that keyboard; now it’s USB-ed directly into this laptop.
What got regurgitated was chocolate, a gooey brown slurry. I wiped it up with paper-towels, dabbing between the keys.
Why thank you, Rodney — “I don’t get no respect.”
I couldn’t think of Dangerfield’s last name, so cranked “I don’t get no respect” into YouTube.
Fabulous videos; Leno et al duck-and-cover. How could I resist?
By so doing my ancient G4 keyboard became toast. Maybe I should join the 21st century, and start using my laptop’s keyboard, plus its swipe-pad. I do when I fly and can’t take my peripherals.
But my peripherals are faster. That silly swipe-pad is an impediment. I may go wireless for a mouse, but there will be a mouse.

• The “Splat” key is Apple’s “Command” key. It also is called the “pretzel key,” or “propeller key.” It also is the “Bowen knot (⌘).” My good friend Anmari Linardi, ex of the Mighty Mezz, calls it “The Splat key,” and I prefer that. “The Splat key” may only be Apple Computer, but I think Windows PCs also have a “Command” key. Apple’s “Splat key, ” together with other keyboard keys, executes specific computer shortcuts, which I use a lot.