32-valve V6

“That motor has 32 valves,” my niece’s husband trumpeted.
“That’s not possible,” I said. “It’s a V6. Four valves per cylinder times six cylinders is 24 valves. That leaves eight valves who-knows-where.”
Shortly after my stroke, 23 long years ago, my Rochester niece, my only nearby relative, beside her mother.....
Married a guy older than her, nine years I think.
I don’t know all the gory details, but I guess he ran them bankrupt.
They had a daughter, my third nearby relative.
My niece lives with her mother in the house outside Rochester where that mother grew up.
After my niece married she continued to live with her mother, and hubby moved in.
All I remember is him showing me -a) the man-cave he built in the basement, and -b) his $50,000 Big Dog motorcycle.
He also strung outside Christmas-lights all over their house and property. Turn ‘em all on, and their electric-meter spun like a 78 rpm phonograph.
His man-cave was rudimentary. Plywood and drywall slammed this-way-and-that. I doubt it woulda passed code.
50,000 buckaroos for a motorcycle is something I don’t understand.
Mine cost about $6,000 — deduct $3,500 for trade.
The best part is his Big Dog wouldn’t get first gear. Navigate a tiny suburban driveway in second.
“150 horsepower!” he bragged. The engine was Harley V-twin based; perhaps 110 cubic inches or more.
Harleys use a knife-and-fork crank to avoid cylinder offset.
It can break.
I doubt it would hold together at the revs needed to generate 150 horsepower, probably over 8,000.
Not too long ago he bought my niece’s mother a new Ford Taurus — they’re available with a 24-valve V6.
He always bought Fords, a new one about every three months.
He showed the car to me, pointing to the ultra-thin tires on 21-inch alloy wheels.
“Them are 200 mph tires,” he bragged.
To which I responded — (cue Al Sharpton: “awful temerity and unmitigated gall and horrific audacity”) — “and where, pray tell, do you propose to do 200 mph?”
I doubt a 3,500-pound V6 Taurus could manage 200 mph; 140 maybe. For 200 mph ya need a much more powerful V8 in a car weighing maybe 1,500 pounds.
Ya also need a long airport runway for 747s, or Bonneville Salt-Flats.
I remember Car-and-Driver magazine trying to do 200 mph in a tricked-out, hyper-powerful Firebird, and crashing. At that speed a car takes off from the road and flies.
I felt later I shouldna been so hard on the guy. He probably had a difficult childhood like me: “reform-school for you, baby!”
Despite all his blustering, I refused to backdown.
“A 32-valve V6 is clearly impossible!”

• I had a stroke October 26th, 1993, from which I pretty much recovered. Just tiny detriments; I can pass for never having had a stroke.