Saturday, November 19, 2016

Danny puh-LEEZE!

I was at the Burger-Bar at the Canandaigua Wegmans the other night, eating out with my friend.
Wegmans is the giant supermarket chain based in Rochester, NY, where I buy some of my groceries.
The head-honcho is Danny Wegman, son of Robert, who managed Wegmans earlier.
Robert is dead; Danny probably in his late 50s or 60s. (He’s 68.)
Wegmans pretty much owns the Rochester market, and is expanding throughout the northeast.
The Burger Bar is a recent addition to the supermarket by Danny despite his father’s protests. “We’re a supermarket, not a restaurant.”
But it’s a successful addition. Most all Wegmans have restaurants, usually a buffet with prepared foods.
What I say to my siblings throughout the northeast is “Wegmans is coming. You guys are doomed.
Yer local supermarket better get hopping, or it will become toast. Hup-hup!”
My friend ordered a simple cheeseburger. “Organic grass-fed local beef,” it said.
Oh, fer cryin’ out loud!
“Want fries with that?”
“Yes.”
“Plain or seasoned?”
“What’s the seasoning?”
“A delicate blend of organic herbs and spices, mostly sage from our organic farm.”
I gagged!Danny, will you stop?”
I then said “I had an uncle Herb once,” but it fell flat.
Yesterday I went to Wegmans to buy groceries.
I needed an apple. I only buy one at a time, because they are so big I can only eat half.
I looked for Honeycrisp, and there they were under a sign.
“Tart and tangy,” it said; “tree-ripened in glowing sunlight,” etc, etc.
All I want is a single apple. Your silly fiddle-de-dee won’t convince me to buy more.
The Canandaigua Wegmans is near Canandaigua Lake. Danny lives in an estate along the lake.
He runs his unmuffled four-engine 454 40-foot Cigarette up and down the lake.
If a recent Ferrari is parked in the supermarket parking-lot, that’s Danny.
Whoa dude! You got some flunkie slingin’ this stuff at your palatial offices?
Reminds of a video of “The Kid from Brooklyn” about Starbucks.
I’ll leave out the torrent of F-bombs.
“What’ll it be sir?”
“Chocolate lotto, carmelo lotto? I don’t know what kinda place yer runnin’ here, honey, but all I want is a hot cuppa coffee and a piece-a pound cake.”
“That’ll be seven dollars.”
“What’s it made out of, liquid gold?”
Is that what the world is coming to? A few extra bucks for useless verbiage?
“Tart and tangy” my foot!

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