I’m gonna miss out on the free donuts, Officer

After almost 50 years of driving, I find myself impeding speeders.
I merge northbound onto Interstate 390 towards Rochester, head for the rightmost lane, and wick the krooze up to 65, the speed-limit.
Almost immediately a long train of cars blasts past doing 75-80 mph.
Including the fist-waving glowering intimidator that tailgated me all the way from Honeoye (‘HONE-eee-oy;' rhymes with 'boy') Falls — actually the Rush Valero on 15A.
I learned how to drive in 1961 at age 17.
I can still remember that first time I caressed the gas-pedal in our tired 1953 Chevy, and felt that turkey move.
It was in a jr. high-school parking-lot.
No driver-ed for me, and my father was madder than a hornet.
He was convinced I wasn’t mature enough, but my mother weighed in.
I was already one year past eligibility.
Plus my mother may have had an ulterior motive; that I could be the taxi-driver she had become.
The other day we turned east onto 5&20 off Route 65.
Not far from Bloomfield village a glowering intimidator roared past, giving me the one-finger salute.
He disappeared into the distance.
“I hope that cop is taking pictures on the east side of Bloomfield,” my wife said. “He’ll pull him over sure as shootin’.”
The other day I turned north from our driveway onto 65, headed for Honeoye Falls.
I didn’t make the first turn past the motorcycle store when someone fell in behind me.
Apparently a glowering intimidator in a filthy black Cherokee fell in behind him.
We proceeded west negotiating various curves, until where 65 spills onto a straight part.
It’s hilly, so partially marked as no-passing.
All-of-a-sudden the Cherokee was blasting past my follower, revved to the moon, intent on also passing me.
We continued into a no-passing zone, but nothing was gonna stop Mr. NASCAR from capturing the lead.
Thankfully, no one was coming.
Shortly after I got my license, I was assigned taxi duty.
My mother was in the back seat, along with assorted younger siblings.
My sister was probably riding shotgun. —She’s a year-and-a-half younger than me.
I approached a place where I was supposed to turn left.
An opposing car was coming.
“DO IT!” they all screamed; sprinkled with “Get going” and “What is your problem?”
So I did, and almost got T-boned.
It was a defining moment.
“From now on,” I thought to myself; “if I’m drivin’, I ain’t lis’nin’ to nobody!
They can yell all they want.”
It’s a point-of-view that served me well, especially over 16&1/2 years of driving bus for Regional Transit Service.
I certainly had enough blowhards criticizing my driving.
“I drive, you sit,” I’d tell them. “As long as I’m drivin’ the bus, I’m captain of the ship!”
I also learned that it made no sense trying to hustle. Ya were more likely to make a mistake.
So blow on by, Mr. Speeder.
The Ontario County Sheriff is waiting for you.
I’ve certainly witnessed enough NASCAR wannabees pulled over, exasperated they wouldn’t be first to the coffee machine.
“I’m gonna miss out on the free donuts, Officer.......”

• A “glowering intimidator” is a tailgater, named after Dale Earnhardt, deceased, the so-called “intimidator” of NASCAR fame, who used to tailgate race-leaders and bump them at speed until they let him pass.
• “Honeoye Falls” is the nearest village to the west to where we live in western New York, a rural village about five miles away. “Rush” is a small rural town north of Honeoye Falls. A Valero gas-station is just south of it on Route 15A.
• “Route 15A;” a state route, is an alternative to U.S. Route 15 (now State Route 15), what used to be the main route into Rochester from the south. Now it’s Interstate-390.
• “5&20” is the main east-west road (a two-lane highway) through our area; State Route 5 and U.S. Route 20, both on the same road. 5&20 is just south of where we live on State Route 65 in the small rural town of West Bloomfield. —Route 65 is north-south, more-or-less.
• The rural town of East Bloomfield is just east of West Bloomfield; perhaps four miles away. The village of Bloomfield is within it.
• “Taking pictures” equals radar.
• We live not far from a motorcycle store, where State Route 65 turns sharply west toward Honeoye Falls.
• For 16&1/2 years (1977-1993) I drove transit bus for Regional Transit Service (RTS) in Rochester, NY, a public employer, the transit-bus operator in Rochester and its environs. My stroke October 26, 1993 ended that.
• We live in the County of Ontario.