Wild-Side Ranch

I’m exiting mighty Tops in Canandaigua.
I’m navigating the dreaded pedestrian lane (“Stop for pedestrians”), where I once got nearly clobbered by glowering Granny in her salt-encrusted maroon Neon.
I have just finished doing battle with the infamous Tops U-Scan machines.
“Please scan your first item,” the chipper disembodied voice says.
“You haven’t even let me scan my ‘Tops favored customer’ card.”
The sullen attendant nearby takes over and pushes a button.
“BIP!”
“Welcome Tops favored customer.”
“BIP!”
“Please scan your first item.”
“I just did!” I say.
Ain’t technology wonderful?
Approaching the parking-lot, I unholster my cellphone.
“Wild Side Ranch” buffalo farm is in it.
Supposedly buffalo-meat is healthier than beef.
If you wanna buy anything, you have to call them first to tell them you’re coming.
“Send.”
Ring-ring-ring.
“Hello?”
“I’m at Tops in Canandaigua,” I say. “It’ll take me about 15 minutes to get there.”
“BE-BOOP!”
“Still there?” I ask.
Deafening silence.
Oh well, guess I’ll go there and see what happens.
I access Wild Side Farms, deep in the rural outback of West Bloomfield.
Andrew Cuomo ever been there? Does he know how to pronounce “Nunda?”
Looks like the place is still functioning. Large curly-tailed horned beasts are standing in a field.
I park in front of a large snowbound shed, look inside, and see nothing but large parked farm tractors.
I amble over to their store, but it’s locked.
Back home. —So much for calling ahead.

• “Tops” is a large supermarket-chain based in Buffalo we occasionally buy groceries at. They have a store in Canandaigua.
• We live in the small rural town of West Bloomfield in Western NY, southeast of Rochester.
• “Andrew Cuomo,” son of Mario Cuomo, former governor of the state of New York, is New York Attorney General, and is being groomed to be New York Governor.
• “Nunda,” a small rural town in Western New York about 40 miles south of Rochester, is pronounced “nun-DAY,” not “NUN-duh.”