Say a command

“Please say a command,” said a muffled disembodied voice from deep within my pants pocket.
It was my cellphone. It had been beeping at me the whole time I put on my shoes at the Canandaigua YMCA.
“Please say a command,” it repeated.
“Okay, I got a command in mind,” I thought to myself. “How about ‘SHADDUP?’”
“Please say a command,” it said a third time.
“Oh, for cryin’ out loud,” I said.
I pulled out my cellphone and hit the kill-switch.
I’ve learned this doesn’t actually kill the phone, but it does kill the disembodied voice.
Next move: memorize “SHADDUP” into my cellphone.

• I work out in the Canandaigua YMCA Exercise-Gym. (“Canandaigua” [“cannon-DAY-gwuh”] is a small city nearby where we live in Western NY. The city is also within a rural town called “Canandaigua.” The name is Indian, and means “Chosen Spot.” —It’s about 15 miles away.)