Three errands.......

.....the other day (Tuesday, May 12, 2009).

—1) Was to buy tires for the CR-V.
Sadly, the tires weren’t el-cheapo rim-protectors from mighty Wal*Mart, manufactured by Chinese child prison-labor in steaming cockroach-infested sweatshops.
As I have been told by my siblings, Wal*Mart is indeed the greatest store in the entire known universe, and the fact I don’t like shopping there means I’m of-the-Devil.
Every time I’ve shopped there has been a bad shopping experience.
-A) Once I got snapped at by Wal*Mart store-associates for interrupting their day-long donut break.
All because I had the awful temerity and unmitigated gall and horrific audacity to ask where something was in their gigantic store.
-B) We bought an electronic scale there once we call the roulette machine.
It reads consistently less than the YMCA medical scale, plus it’s erratic.
Every time ya stand on it, ya get a different reading, even seconds apart.
Made in China, of course.
-C) There’s always the risk you’ll get hugged by a urine-smelling geezer-greeter with bad gingivitis.
All that for a savings of 25¢.
Getting into and out of it burns probably a gallon of gas.
And just going to and parking there gobbles at least 20 minutes.
All of this matters little to my siblings; the fact I avoid Wal*Mart means I’m of-the-Devil.
After all, Jesus shopped Wal*Mart.
I bought the tires from a Goodyear store; Eagle GTs.
I’ve been using Goodyear tires for a long time.
Bought a set of GT+4s for the Faithful Hunda, and when they wore out, a second set.
The N.Y. State Police was using GT+4s on their pursuit cruisers, so they were well recommended.
I’ve always used quality tires; got Pirelli CN36s for our Vega GT — supposedly the best tire money could buy at that time.
They made all the difference in the world. Combined with new Koni® shocks, they made it a great car. It came with Wide-Ovals, which looked butch, but were awful. All-over-the-road in the rain.
The Faithful Hunda came with stock tires; they were flaccid and mere rim-protectors.
I considered a Firestone GT tire, but got the Goodyear GT+4s.
They made it a great car; well-balanced and a handler. Steering was quicker and precise; with the stock tires it had been wimpy.
Our so-called soccer-mom minivan (the Astrovan) came with stock Continental rim-protectors; flaccid and woozy. I swapped them out for GT+4s, the same tire used an the Astro GT.
My blowhard younger brother-in-Boston, who noisily badmouths everything I do or say, and considers himself the supreme authority in all things automotive, claimed I had used an oversized tire, I suppose because of their wide footprint.
But they weren’t; they were the same tires used on the Astro GT.
Made it a much more pleasant van; steering was quicker and much more precise.
I put 140,000 miles on that van; two sets of GT+4s, and then the Goodyear tire that replaced the GT+4.
Our CR-V came with stock all-terrain Bridgestones, which were okay, but they were on heavy stock 15-inch stamped steel wheels.
A custom-wheel outfit was offering alloy-wheel and tire packages in my Car & Driver magazine.
I coulda sprung for 18-inch alloy rims, but to me that was ridiculous — this ain’t Los Angeles; I ain’t stylin’. —What if ya hit a curb?
16 inches was enough; one inch more than stock. The tires were also slightly bigger than stock; and 60-series, instead of 70.
The Goodyear store suggested they could save me a few bucks by downgrading my tire-choice: “The Eagle GT is a performance tire.”
NOT THIS KID! “I really like those tires; I ain’t downgradin’.”
I told him the story of the Astrovan; no flaccid rim-protectors for this kid.
The Bathtub has Bridgestone run-flats, and they’re pretty good. Stock tire technology seems to have caught up with Goodyear.
Change-out would probably require new wheels, and/or no run-flats and no spare.
So they’re staying put. There’s nothing wrong with them. As I say, stock tire technology seems to have caught up with Goodyear.
“All done, Mr. Hughes. I’ll say one thing; ya’ve been awful quiet. Not a peep outta ya; and ya were there at least two hours.”
“Yep; and I had to endure loudmouthed Tyra on your plasma-baby!
I’ll tell ya a secret though. It was because I had a stroke. The old speech-center doesn’t work very well, so I don’t say much. It ain’t the one I was using before the stroke. It’s what’s left.”
“Well, I’d never know the difference.”
“Well, listen carefully, and ya’ll hear hesitation, and often the wrong words spill out.”

—2) Was the Verizon store, to replace my dunked RAZR.
I had been told our cellphone contract would expire May 4, but it expires in October — May 4 was the first day I could upgrade under our old contract.
Linda didn’t wanna upgrade from her RAZR; “every cellphone is a new gig. I finally got so I could drive the RAZR, so I’d rather not switch.”
Okay, I hafta replace my phone, so can I upgrade just it?
And I just use it as a phone — we have texting turned off, since we never use it, plus ya charge us for the spam.
So all I need is a phone much like my RAZR — not some silly Blackberry with a tiny keyboard of matchhead keys, and not some glitzy Apple iPhone I can start my microwave with from across the universe.”
“Well, this here phone is outta stock in this store; I’d hafta order it online — in which case it FedEx-es directly to your house, and ya can bring it back here to activate, or activate it yourself. Instructions are in the box.”
“Okay, we’ll try it; but this here RAZR was also VZ-Navigator enabled.”
“That’s a separate download. Ya can bring it back here, or call this service-number and they’ll walk ya through it.”
Bottom line: only my phone upgraded. My new phone is much like my RAZR, only smaller. So far, the RAZRs were the best cellphones we ever had. —My new phone is cellphone number five. First were the pop-tarts; then the stick a’ butter; then the flip-phones; then the RAZRs.

—3) Was Victor Power Equipment (this is a very basic site), to get a few items for our small Honda walk-behind mower.
I had replaced the mowing-deck, which had rusted out, and needed a few small items to complete the job.
-A) was the bracket a small hinge mounted to; it had been damaged by hacksawing. A rubberized flap fits over the discharge hole, so the mower will mulch.
None of this had been included with my replacement deck, which was okay — I planned to reuse.
-B) was a small retainer cap for the long pin a long rubberized flap hung from. The flap hung at the back. The cap had been made useless in removing.
“More parts, eh? Parts-parts-parts! I’m sick of looking at this monitor. That’s all I’ve been doing all day. ‘Honda Harmony HRS216,’ ya say?”
“Hey Jeremy. This yellow sheet go in there?”
“Right in here, dude.
This looks like what ya want.”
“Wait just one cotton-pickin’ minute,” I think. “I know it’s rude, but I don’t wanna waste time ordering the wrong part.”
Walk around and behind counter; look at monitor.
“This is it, right here.”
“Wait a minute; that’s a different part. That bolts right to the deck.”
“Yep; that’s what I need. This is that same part, although damaged by the hacksaw.”
Um, toy not with the master! I sure am glad I was rude.

The “CR-V” is our 2003 Honda CR-V SUV.

“We” is my wife of 41+ years, Linda and I.

I work out in the Canandaigua YMCA exercise-gym. They have a medical scale in the Mens Locker-Room.

“The Faithful Hunda” is our 1989 Honda Civic All-Wheel-Drive station-wagon, by far the BEST car we’ve ever owned, now departed (replaced by our 2003 Honda CR-V). (Called a “Hunda” because that was how a fellow bus-driver at Transit [Regional-Transit-Service in Rochester, where I once worked] pronounced it.)

The “so-called soccer-mom minivan” is our 1993 Chevrolet Astrovan, traded over two years ago for our 2005 Toyota Sienna van (the “Bathtub”). My loudmouthed macho brother-from-Boston calls both “soccer-mom minivans” as a put-down. —We call the Sienna “the Bathtub,” because it’s large and white and like sitting in a bathtub.

“Run-flats” are tires that can run without air in them (“flat”), although at low speed. Our Sienna, which is All-Wheel-Drive, had to make do without a spare-tire. —To avoid putting regular tires on “run-flat” wheels, the outside and inside diameters of the wheels are different. “Run-flat” tires correspond.

“Tyra” is TV personality Tyra Banks; a former supermodel.

“Plasma-babies” are what my macho brother-from-Boston calls all high-definition wide/flat-screen TVs. Other technologies beside plasma are available, but he calls them all “plasma-babies.”

I had a stroke October 26, 1993, and it slightly compromised my speech. (Difficulty putting words together.)

A “RAZR” is the Motorola RAZR® cellphone. I inadvertently left it in my pants-pocket, and then soaked the pants.

“VZ-Navigator” is Verizon’s cellphone navigation system — your cellphone becomes a GPS navigation unit. (It requires cellphone Internet access, which my cellphone had enabled. My wife’s doesn’t. —Both our phones are on the same contract; it has two separate phones; two individual numbers for each phone. I.e. mine doesn’t ring when her’s does.)

Over the years, we’ve had four different cellphones; our first looked like pop-tarts; our second like a stick of butter; our third were flip-phones; and our fourth were RAZRs.

The mowing-deck on our small Honda walk-behind lawnmower had rusted out because it’s a mulching mower, and damp grass builds up inside.