Next Yuppie procurement

The end of death and destruction! (Photo by the so-called “old guy” with the dreaded and utterly reprehensible Nikon D100 with flash.)

BEHOLD, above, our layest Yuppie procurement, a Brita® water-filter.
Actually I didn’t buy it. My wife did.
Her brother’s current wife, the previously invisible Nancy, rules.
The chlorine in tapwater causes cancer, we’re told.
Death and destruction are everywhere!
So now after 65 years of drinking toxic tapwater, I’m supposed to start filtering my water.
An activated charcoal filter is inside the unit.
We found it ironic you’re supposed to discard your first two filtrations which may impregnate with charcoal dust.
“I guess this means everything,” my wife said.
“The water in the teakettle, that used in your grapefruit-juice, the water ya drink before supper, that we cook vegetables in.”
Even our dog; but not the robins.
Tapwater for them, baby! They can just rot!
The mere making of coffee turned into a giant science project. Water was getting filtered willy-nilly.
And the top of the unit was getting rinsed out with tapwater (dread) because charcoal particles were in it.
Those particles didn’t seem to be in the filtered water.
I know, guzzle Mountain-Dew and ya won’t have problems like this.
Not only that, Mountain-Dew is the elixir of champions.
Linda’s mother had one of these gizmos, although she doesn’t remember it.
Seemed like a nice idea. Keep it in the refrigerator and ya have cold water to drink.
So I started putting a plastic jug of tapwater in the refrigerator.
That jug will get retired.
Time to start filtering out death and destruction.

RE: “‘Old guy’ with the dreaded and utterly reprehensible Nikon D100.......” —My macho, blowhard brother-from-Boston, who is 13 years younger than me, calls me “the old guy” as a put-down (I also am the oldest). I also am loudly excoriated by all my siblings for preferring a professional camera (like the Nikon D100) instead of a point-and-shoot. This is because I long ago sold photos to nationally published magazines.

My wife of 41+ years is “Linda.”

RE: “The previously invisible Nancy......” —Linda’s brother’s fourth wife is “Nancy,” and we never met her for years. She’s sort of hypochondriac, but okay.

Our current dog is “Scarlett;” a rescue Irish-Setter. She’s almost four, and is our sixth Irish-Setter.

My all-knowing, blowhard brother-from-Boston, the macho ad-hominem king, who noisily badmouths everything I do or say, claims that Mountain-Dew soda, which he guzzles in great quantity, is “the elixir of champions.”