“Well, that’s just laughable!”

Dysfunctional Guardian stand-by generator. (Photo by the so-called “old guy” with the dreaded and utterly reprehensible Nikon D100.)

Our fantabulous stand-by generator (pictured) is “on-the-blink.”
“On-the-blink” in that it won’t run; that is, it cranks, but it won’t light.
A guy from our HVAC contractor came out to supposedly fix it, but couldn’t — or more properly didn’t.
This was the same guy that serviced it a while ago — a gentleman on the same wave-length as me.
That is, he didn’t noisily assert superiority to me, but encouraged me to pick his brain.
Too bad the Bluster-Boy wasn’t around to loudly foam and posture.
Apparently it’s not getting fuel.
It runs on natural-gas, and a one-way valve is in it, controlled by another gizmo that freezes up.
It’s been bitter-cold for weeks, so he surmised the system just shut off the gas; a safety check.
“It’s getting good spark,” he said; “and cranks.”
“Well, when I tested it the other day, no crank,” I said. “It just showed me that ‘overcrank’ light.”
“It makes seven attempts; each separated by 16 seconds,” he said. “After that, ya get the ‘overcrank’ light.
There’s a small trickle-charger in there, running on house-current, so it probably charged it up.”
I cranked it myself.
“But it ain’t gettin’ fuel,” he said.
“Did he fix it?” my wife asked.
“Can’t,” I said. “A fuel-valve needs to thaw out.”
Weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.
“Well, that’s just laughable,” my wife told the techy when he came inside.
—1) “First we’re told it’s ‘whisper-quiet,’ but it’s like having a Harley right under your bedroom window.
—2) Then we’re told ya can’t let the air-intake be blocked by snow.
—3) Now it’s so cold, the poor thing froze up.
If it won’t run, it’s not standing by,” my wife said.
My wife can do this — with my stroke-addled speech I can’t. My hesitation and poor word-choice get perceived as anger.
I let her do the talking.
“What happens next week if we go off to Florida and that system is still froze?” she asked.
“Usually I just put a small heater in there and that thaws it out — after which it runs fine.
I’d do that, but it’s supposed to go over 40° in a day-or-two; so your husband suggested he’d try it then.
Usually I get dead batteries, but this one’s fine.
It’s just a car-battery,” he said.
“Which means I could probably change it out myself,” I said.
“Yep; all ya gotta do is remove this front-panel, and there’s the battery.”

RE: “‘Old guy’ with the dreaded and utterly reprehensible Nikon D100.......” —My macho, blowhard brother-from-Boston, who is 13 years younger than me, calls me “the old guy” as a put-down (I also am the oldest). I also am loudly excoriated by all my siblings for preferring a professional camera (like the Nikon D100) instead of a point-and-shoot. This is because I long ago sold photos to nationally published magazines.

A “stand-by generator” is an electric generator that generates house-current when the power goes. This one comes on automatically.

“HVAC” is heating-ventilation-air conditioning.

RE: “Noisily assert superiority......” —My blowhard brother-in-Boston was trained as an engineer, and noisily claims anyone other than him is inferior, especially me (a history-major).

The “Bluster-Boy” is my all-knowing brother-from-Boston, the macho ad-hominem king, who noisily badmouths everything I do or say.

“My wife” of 41+ years is Linda.

My brother-in-Boston has a Harley-Davidson motorcycle.

I had a stroke October 26, 1993, and it slightly compromised my speech. (Difficulty putting words together.)