Make her laugh

So here we are, after Session Number Three of dog-obedience with Scarlett at Lollypop, at the Funky Food Market, to pick up a case each of puffed rice and puffed corn I had special-ordered.
I was also picking up a case of grape-juice I buy there because -a) I can buy a case, and -b) it ain’t Welch’s “from concentrate.”
Our Cashier is Karen, who I’ve special-ordered with so many times, she knows my name, and even our phone-number.
She rings up the grape-juice, and I mention “I also have that special-order of puffed rice and puffed corn” (she had forgotten, despite my mentioning first).
She gets them both, and adds them to my total.
But her terminal went into some kind of tailspin.
She tries again; same tailspin.
Another cashier is brought over; she gets the same tailspin.
Minutes have passed already — Karen is mightily embarrassed.
“Carol,” the Sunday store-manager, is paged.
More minutes pass; poor Karen is climbing the wall.
Finally “Carol” appears from out back, where she had possibly been slumbering.
Carol tries the same procedure; same tailspin.
“Well, I guess we gotta start from scratch.”
Sale canceled, and start from scratch.
Enter name (“Robert Hughes”) and phone-number; I’m in their system (it’s a miracle, Bobby).
Scan grape-juice case again, and then each case of puffed cereal.
VIOLA! Total due; Visa charge completed (“please sign”); and then their system eats my receipt-slip.
“This company’s computer system has to be the worst I’ve ever seen,” Carol says.
“I could say something but I won’t,” I say.
“Go ahead, Mr. Hughes. Say it!” Karen says.
“Apple Macintosh,” I say. “Don’t know as it will work any better, but I been drivin’ Apple OS-X over two years, and it hasn’t crashed yet.”
Later, driving home, my wife suggests “It was probably the software. After all, it’s just a bunch of hippies. It was probably programmed by some hippie!”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I say. “It was probably part of a package written by ex-Microsoft employees at ‘Stores-R-Us.’”
Cracked her up.
“What was so funny about that?” I think. “I dream up that kind of junk all the time.”
The key to a successful marriage is “make her laugh.” I feel not much is left anymore, but I can still do that — by default, I humblee submit.

“Scarlett” is our current dog; a rescue Irish-Setter. She’s four-plus, and is our sixth Irish-Setter.

Lollypop Farm is the Rochester area Humane Society and animal-shelter. (It offers courses in dog-obedience training.)

“The funky food-market” is Lori’s Natural Foods, south of Rochester in Henrietta — a source for salt-free cereal, sauce, etc. It’s run and owned by what used to be called “hippies.”

“Robert Hughes” is my name; “Bobbalew” my nickname.

“It’s a miracle, Bobby” is something my tub-thumping born-again Christian mother used to say to me.

RE: “Apple Macintosh........” —All my siblings use Windows PCs, but I use an Apple MacIntosh, so am therefore reprehensible and stupid. We have an ongoing argument about computer superiority. My all-knowing, blowhard brother-from-Boston, the macho ad-hominem king, who noisily badmouths everything I do or say, has loudly declared that an Apple MacIntosh is little more than a Tinker-Toy.

“OS-X” is the current Apple computer operating system.

My wife of 40+ years is “Linda.” She retired as a computer programmer.

“Windows” is Microsoft’s computer operating-system, so as a MAC user I make fun of it; especially since my siblings say I’m stupid and reprehensible to use it.