The Pig-Out exercise regimen

-1) Assume supine position in cushy sofa in front of $7,000 plasma-baby with open bag of Cheetos.
-2) Tune $7,000 plasma-baby to NASCAR by fingering remote.
-3) Extract Cheeto from bag.
-4) Lift Cheeto to open mouth.
-5) Crunch Cheeto to crumbs by flapping mouth.
-6) Swallow Cheeto-crumbs.
-7) Wash down Cheeto-crumbs with gallon of ‘Dew.
-8) Bellow loudly at the Little Twerp. (Accuse him of cheating just like the Pasties.)
-9) Burp loudly; tossing Lynn-Ellen right out the window over the IED faucet......
(Boink; another golfball. Must be my brother’s ISP!)

“$7,000 plasma-baby” is my macho brother-in-Boston’s high-definition TV. He called it a “$7,000 plasma, baby.” He currently weighs 287 pounds; which is down from the 300+ he probably once weighed. He’s guzzling diet Mountain-Dew instead of regular. He usually gloms a whole bag of Cheetos while watching NASCAR on TV.

“The Little Twerp” is NASCAR-driver Jeff Gordon, who he loudly claims cheats.

“The Pasties” are the New-England Patriots football-team, who he loudly trumpets. Our family called them the “Patsies;” which he misspelled “Pasties.”

“Lynn-Ellen” is his wife; who he calls “Lynn-Ellen” as a put-down.

RE: “the IED faucet......” he had a faucet in his kitchen that was more an Improvised-Explosive-Device as in Iraq. He never replaced it for five years.

RE: “Boink; another golfball....” My brother lives right next to a golf-course. They have been showered with 89 bazilyun golfballs.

RE: “Must be my brother’s ISP........” To my brother-in-Boston all faults are because of my Internet-Service-Provider.