She’s Real Fine, my 409

(That head is the YouTube song-link, dudes.)


“Giddeyup 409.”

“Are ya ready?” I said to the bubbly young checkout at what I call “The Funky Food Market.”
“Funky Food Market” is what I call Lori’s Natural Foods in Henrietta, a suburb of Rochester.
I had gone there to purchase a chocolate bar to consume driving home after getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist.
The girl said it would be $4.09.
“She’s real fine, my 409,” I started singing; “she’s real fine, my 409; my 4------------0------------9.”
The song is by the Beach Boys.
The girl, smiling, was completely befuddled.
Of course she was. She was too young.
in 1961 — I was 17 — probably well before she was born, Chevrolet introduced a hot-rodded version of their 348 cubic-inch truck engine, bored and stroked to 409 cubic inches.
It was a smashing success. Everyone wanted a 409 Chevy.
Chevrolet had broken through the 400 cubic-inch barrier. Mercury had a 430, but it wasn’t hot-rodded.
“Four-Speed, Dual-Quad, PosiTraction 409.”
“Four-speed” is a four speed, floor-shifted, standard transmission, the desire of hot-rodders at that time.
Auto trannies were not that good back then = slush-boxes.
They also gobbled power.
Now auto-trannies are much better, preferred by hot-rodders.
Four-speeds were first available on Corvettes; thank Zora Arkus-Duntov, the hot-rodder GM hired to head Corvette.
Four-speed trannies were floor-shift, which worked better than steering-column shift. Hot-rodders often converted their cars to floor-shift, even earlier three-speed transmissions.
“Dual-Quad” is two four-barrel carburetors. Two fours moved more air/fuel than triple two-barrels. Most cars came with a single carburetor. Hot-rodders multipled carbs to get more power.
Detroit used triple-twos to get more power for its stockcar racers. Then Detroit went to two four-barrels to move even more air — like on the 409.
“PosiTraction” is a special addition to the center differential of a car’s rear drive-axle.
Differentiation was needed to allow rear tires to turn corners — that is, the outside wheel goes farther than the inside.
Trouble is, if one wheel can spin, like on snow, the opposite wheel can stop, delivering no power at at all.
All the power is turning that spinning wheel.
Drag-race starts, quickly from a stop, can break a wheel from traction, and set it spinning = clouds of smoke!
All the power is going to that wheel — the stopped wheel is getting nothing.
Differentiation allows that.
I’ve never understood PosiTraction, but its goal is to keep both wheels delivering power. One wheel can’t spin freely.
The 409-Chevy was extremely desirable, especially to us hot-rodder car-guys.
It was a hotrod ready-to-go. It could be purchased from a Chevy dealer. No fruitless experimentation or setup.
During college I went to a drag-strip in northeastern MD, Cecil County Drag-O-Way.
A guy named Bill Jenkins, from the southeastern suburbs of Philadelphia, set up “Jenkins Competition,” based on his success setting up Chevy’s SmallBlock of 1955.
He purchased and raced a 409-Chevy, although his driver was Dave Strickler.
Nothing could beat Jenkins’ 409, not until Chrysler introduced its second-generation Hemi.
Jenkins went on to dominate drag-racing with his extremely powerful Chevy SmallBlock engines.
He garnered the name “Grumpy,” because he was a difficult interview.
My wife died almost five years ago. She was 68, as was I at that time.
I pretty much kept to myself all my life; sort of a “grump” = little to say to socialize.
Since then I’ve discovered socialization can be pleasant.
In other words, go ahead and say it! Ya never know what you’ll get; and if others are offended, that’s their problem.
“Keep singing,” the girl chirped as I walked out.
“Four-Speed, Dual-Quad, PosiTraction 409.”

• Drag-racing is standing-start to finish over a paved flat quarter-mile drag-strip. Usually, although I’ve seen eighth-mile drag-strips. A 409 Chevy might get over 115 mph over a quarter-mile!