“That lifeguard was a godsend”

—I said that to an old friend with whom I attended college.
I’m currently on-the-outs with him because I had the awful temerity, unmitigated gall, and horrific audacity (cue Sharpton) to suggest I no longer was the wuss I was in college.
And as one who did a newspaper website, I knew what a “pixel” was — he insisted I didn’t.
He lives in MA, and I hadn’t spoken to him for some time. But I forwarded a recent e-mail from our hyper-religious college which I found depressing.
As non-believers, my friend and I were both ne’er-do-wells at that college. We both were almost kicked out on a “tight-pants” rap. We were mimicking the Rolling Stones.
We also wore our hair long — a-la The Beatles.
My friend almost got canned for frequenting bars, and me on an attitude-rap. I neither drank nor smoked.
I forwarded that college e-mail, and also included a link to my “History” blog. It mentions a lady named *****, who lifeguards the Canandaigua YMCA swimming-pool.
That “History” blog implies how ***** reversed my childhood. She said hello to me by name months ago. “NO PRETTY LADY WILL TALK TO YOU!” yet there was *****. I’m sure she was just being sociable, but I was dumbfounded. ***** is a “looker.”
***** is 64, but doesn’t look it on her lifeguard stand. Stately and statuesque, and no thunder-thighs.
Despite my continual flubs we became friends. We joke around, and I make her laugh. Another pretty girl told me women love laughing.
My wife always said the reason we lasted 44&1/2 years, despite my half insanity, was because I made her laugh.
I always hope ***** is on duty, and it seems she looks forward to me. —Get the endorphins flowing; I love to see ***** laugh. And she seemed rather serious at first.
“That lifeguard was a godsend” was just a verbal potshot.
But my friend ran with it, suggesting my meeting ***** was preordained from above.
This of course contradicts our non-belief; me agnostic, and I don’t know about him.
My friendship with ***** also contradicts my father. “NO PRETTY LADY WILL TALK TO YOU!” is as much him as otherwise. (See footnote below.)

• “NO PRETTY LADY WILL TALK TO YOU!” is Hilda Q. Walton, my immediate neighbor and Sunday-School Superintendent when I was a child. Like my parents she was hyper-religious. She convinced me all males, including me at age-5, were disgusting. My parents heartily agreed.
• A “pixel” is a tiny bit of digital information. It has all the RGB (red-green-blue) information to display that pixel at the right color. Computer resolution is 72 pixels-per-inch. (Our web photos were 72 ppi.) Resolution-for-print is usually 300 ppi. 72 ppi looks fine if displayed small. Enlarge a 72 ppi and the pixels get so big, the image “pixelates” (jaggies). Our web-photos were 72 ppi because that’s the resolution at which a computer-screen displays. Normally you can’t upsize a 72 ppi, but iPhone photos (72 ppi) are so large you get away with it when you downsize and up the resolution.
• I did aquatic balance training in the Canandaigua YMCA’s swimming-pool 2-3 years or more. I dropped out for the moment so I could try dry-land balance-training at a hospital Physical-Therapy. ***** lifeguards that pool, which I continue to use on-my-own.