Incredible journey
I feel like I’m moving beyond my beloved wife of 44&1/2 years.
She was the BEST friend I ever had, and after my childhood I sure needed that.
I call her the first female to like me. She wasn’t, but was the first liker I liked myself.
She died almost seven years ago, so now I’m on-my-own. Previously I could return to a female who liked me. Throw in the fact my parents and Sunday-School superintendent neighbor convinced me no girl would ever like me, and I avoided females over 70 years.
My bereavement counselor suggests my wife filled a gigantic void. Unlike my parents, both at first, but mainly my father later, my wife actually liked me. I grieve the loss of that as much as my wife’s death.
For whatever reason I began socializing with various females after my wife died. A few months ago a lady said hello to me by name in passing, and although I hardly heard it, I got up the nerve to say hello back — late of course. Ten years ago I woulda gone the other way.
There were others before, but boy am I glad I did that. It blossomed into a fabulous friendship, despite my falling flat many times.
I also noticed it’s good to start a conversation myself. I did that with another lady, and that too blossomed. “I’m no good at socializing, but keep trying. Don’t give up on me; I’ll get the hang of it sooner-or-later.” I gained an enthusiastic partner, female too.
More “break the ice.....” I tried with a widow in her eighties. When she smiles she lights up the room. I gained another female friend. “See you next week,” she said to me smiling.
All I hafta do is be myself. Otherwise I crash in flames. If I try to be forthcoming, I crash. I never did that with most lady-friends I garnered, and we’re still friends.
A retiree I long ago worked with uses his local YMCA. He mentions 70-year-old ladies “hot-to-trot.”
“No,” I counter; “hot-to-talk.”
Another friend notes most ladies want companionship more than anything. Some hunk I am at almost 75, but companionship I offer. “Tell me about it,” and off-we-go!
RE: “Start the conversation myself:” if that bombs, it’s no longer my fault. Most often it doesn’t bomb. I’m so glad I got up the nerve to say hello back to that lady.
I’ve snowballed since, despite my previous lack of female contact. An incredible and mind-blowing surprise.
And thanks to that neighbor and my parents, I discover this 70+ years late.
I also had to lose the best friend I ever had, and she’s no longer around.
She was the BEST friend I ever had, and after my childhood I sure needed that.
I call her the first female to like me. She wasn’t, but was the first liker I liked myself.
She died almost seven years ago, so now I’m on-my-own. Previously I could return to a female who liked me. Throw in the fact my parents and Sunday-School superintendent neighbor convinced me no girl would ever like me, and I avoided females over 70 years.
My bereavement counselor suggests my wife filled a gigantic void. Unlike my parents, both at first, but mainly my father later, my wife actually liked me. I grieve the loss of that as much as my wife’s death.
For whatever reason I began socializing with various females after my wife died. A few months ago a lady said hello to me by name in passing, and although I hardly heard it, I got up the nerve to say hello back — late of course. Ten years ago I woulda gone the other way.
There were others before, but boy am I glad I did that. It blossomed into a fabulous friendship, despite my falling flat many times.
I also noticed it’s good to start a conversation myself. I did that with another lady, and that too blossomed. “I’m no good at socializing, but keep trying. Don’t give up on me; I’ll get the hang of it sooner-or-later.” I gained an enthusiastic partner, female too.
More “break the ice.....” I tried with a widow in her eighties. When she smiles she lights up the room. I gained another female friend. “See you next week,” she said to me smiling.
All I hafta do is be myself. Otherwise I crash in flames. If I try to be forthcoming, I crash. I never did that with most lady-friends I garnered, and we’re still friends.
A retiree I long ago worked with uses his local YMCA. He mentions 70-year-old ladies “hot-to-trot.”
“No,” I counter; “hot-to-talk.”
Another friend notes most ladies want companionship more than anything. Some hunk I am at almost 75, but companionship I offer. “Tell me about it,” and off-we-go!
RE: “Start the conversation myself:” if that bombs, it’s no longer my fault. Most often it doesn’t bomb. I’m so glad I got up the nerve to say hello back to that lady.
I’ve snowballed since, despite my previous lack of female contact. An incredible and mind-blowing surprise.
And thanks to that neighbor and my parents, I discover this 70+ years late.
I also had to lose the best friend I ever had, and she’s no longer around.
posted by BobbaLew at 6:41 PM
1 Comments:
These are wonderful words to read. The "coming out" of YOU! So glad you took a chance on yourself and now a believer. I get mad every time I think about your father and what he did to you. The sins of the father.... "derives from Biblical references (primarily in the books Exodus, Deuteronomy, and Numbers) to the sins (or iniquities) of one generation passing to another." Our parents' generation tended to keep a hard line on their offspring driven by fears. Coming out from their war mentality and what was their struggle? I don't know but we instead were blessed with a mind-expanding sixties state of mind which questioned all the taboos and strict thinking that they were saddled with. Except for the Vietnam War, ( a huge "except"), wasn't our time the best of all times? My memories of you: dry humor, cynical, provocative, sensitive, always engaging and in short, someone of great interest. Someone who would do well with the ladies. Companionship - yes - this is key and something you were made for. If your dog likes them too, there'll be no stopping you. Brave New World.
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