E-Z Pass

Easy my foot!
What a struggle!
I have gotten an E-Z Pass.
For those not knowing, an E-Z Pass is a thingy you put on your car’s windshield, which a reader reads at toll-gates on toll roads, and then charges you.
I don’t drive toll-roads often, but do occasionally.
I also noticed few drivers in PA use E-Z Pass.
As a result there are often gigantic traffic-jams at toll-barriers. Which I could skirt if I had E-Z Pass.
Getting an E-Z Pass was simple. My local supermarket had ‘em.
So I bought an E-Z Pass; 25 buckaroos.
No charge for the E-Z Pass; the $25 is a credit to your account.
But “Please register before using at www.E-ZPassNY.com/register.”
Okay, fire up this here laptop.
Crank web-address into Internet browser.
SLAM! I got hit with same allegedly E-Z Pass site offering credit-checks and arrest-records.
Uhm........; I tried again.
This time I got the official NY E-Z Pass site, chock full of links, but none to register.
I consider myself fairly proficient on this ‘pyooter, but if I don’t see a “register” link, I’m helpless.
I don’t have time to pore all over a site trying to find a “register/activate” link, so I called their 800-number.
I got a machine offering NINE (count ‘em: nine) menu-options (must be gumint).
Plus it wanted my account-number, which I didn’t have yet.
Thankfully, there was an “0” option: “Please hold for the next available human.”
Then, “Please hold while I transfer your call.....”
UH-OHHH...... —Prepare to be cut off and start over.
“You will also need your plate-number, credit-card, plus the numbers on your E-Z Pass unit.”
I started staggering around to get all this stuff, but suddenly “How may I help you?”
“I have everything but my plate-number, but you answered more quickly than I expected.”
The girl then wanted an account-number. “I don’t have one yet, or don’t think I do. I have no idea what is happening. I don’t think I have an account until this thing is registered.”
The girl snapped something at me.
“Slow down,” I said. “Yer talking to a stroke-survivor. You talk at the speed-of-light and I can’t follow.”
Now I got the exasperation of trying to be comprehendible to a stroke-survivor. I usually don’t get it, people are usually understanding, but I occasionally get it. —Like I’m delaying their donut-break.
Which is why I don’t like making phonecalls.
I gave her my plate-number, plus the multiple numbers on my E-Z Pass unit, front and back.
I guess the E-Z Pass reader in a toll-plaza is a radio receiver, and my unit transmits.
So why all the numbers? Jobs?
Then I gave her my credit-card number; my E-Z Pass account would be replenished by my credit-card.
That took two attempts; she blew the first try.
Finally she gave me my E-Z Pass account-number, yet another number to write down.
She then hung up, and I was able to attach my E-Z Pass thingy to my car’s windshield.
Supposedly my E-Z Pass slightly reduces toll-charges; we’ll see if it does.
What I’m more interested in is saving time, like 25 minutes in a toll-barrier jam.

• “‘Pyooter” is computer.
• I had a stroke October 26, 1993, and it slightly compromised my speech. (Difficulty finding and putting words together.) I pretty much recovered