Get with it, Bill!

So here I am placidly bopping east on the N.Y. state Thruway toward Boston when all-of-a-sudden “If you wish to perform a vehicle-health report now or later, please press ‘enter’ now.”
To me that’s a Hobson’s Choice, but only in the sense I get no option to decline.
Beyond that it’s asking me “now or later,” not specifically “now” or specifically “later.”
“WHAAAA......” I always exclaim.
“How about ‘Shaddup?’” I say, after which I press the only ‘enter’ button I can find, which is on the radio search console.
In other words, “Quit bothering me, Bill!”
Such are the mysteries of Microsoft “Sync,” which my car has.
Sync also does voice-recognition, and Bluetooths my cellphone.
“Please say a command.”
“Call Cleaning-Lady.” I have “Cleaning-Lady” in my cellphone-contacts.
It then calls my mower-man.
“Get with it, Bill!” I say, hanging up.
“Call Faudi,” I say, the guy I chase trains with in Altoona, PA.
It calls my sister Peggy in Lynchburg, VA.
I’m sorry Bill, but Apple’s Siri (“sear-eee”) does much better. I disconnect my Bluetooth so Siri will call Faudi on my iPhone.
Apparently Sync will also do GPS navigation, but it’s not the display-screen with map. It’s just voice-commands.
I’ve never used it. I’m not about to have some disembodied female voice lead me into the ozone.
Once I was following a BMW out of nearby Canandaigua.
We came to an intersection where I normally turn. The BMW was ahead of me, and it turned too.
But then the BMW pulled over, its driver looking feverishly at his dashboard. As if to say “Do I really wanna turn here?”
Sorry Garmin, but the GPS-navigation has to be in my head in advance.
That is, I hafta know where I’m going before I start.
I can print maps from Google, so I ain’t dependin’ on some ‘pyooter-program, or someone’s idea of what they think is the best route, if I think my route is better.
My car will also get Sirius satellite-radio. Like what do I need that for, when I never listen to radio when I drive?
I purchased my car over a year ago, and for about a year Sirius kept trying to sign me up.
I kept refusing. Finally they gave up — I hope.
So I’m driving a Sirius-enabled car without Sirius.
But what bothers me most is Bluetooth to my iPhone.
I’ve given up trying to make calls.
Although if I make a call to “Jack,” my brother, it will actually call my brother.
If I ask it to call “Kevin,” my niece’s husband, it will actually call Kevin.
Congratulations, Bill. You won’t have to work on them.
The fact it also takes incoming calls is convenient, although I have to stab around to answer them. —I hardly get any.
And I’ll be a son-of-a-gun if I know how to close out a call.
I push what I think is the correct steering-wheel button. There may be a delay. So I never know if it was me hanging-up or my caller.
Then there is the keypad problem. If I’m Bluetoothing I don’t have a keypad. Like NOW WHAT if an incoming call wants me to “press one now?”
And then there is the text-function. I fire up my car, and the Bluetooth display says “text.”
“WHAAAA......”
It will do voice-recognition texts? Voice-recognition is bad enough as it is.
The voice-recognition on my iPhone is pretty good, but I usually have to edit my texts.
I’m sorry but my iPhone is better than Microsoft’s Sync. I always end up saying “Get with it, Bill.”
If my car starts talking to me I say “Shaddup!”
I guess I come from the old-school.
I like technology, but leave off the blabbering.
Just get me from Point-A to Point-B, reliably without drama.

• “Bill” is Bill Gates, head-honcho of Microsoft.
• My car is a 2012 Ford Escape (that’s not the new Escape).
• “Siri” is the voice-recognition assistant on an iPhone. I can command “Siri” to call someone, and my iPhone does.
• “‘Pyooter” is computer.
• RE: “You won’t have to work on them.” —Gates’ response to the technical hairballs that usually accompany Microsoft’s applications is “We’re working on it.” If you drive a Windows PC, you get updates galore; otherwise known as “fixes.”