Bin Laden won

“For security, please key in the last four digits of your Social Security number.”
“Beep-boop-beep-boop!”
Finally a service-representative came on the line, an actual North American human being, after hours of holding and wrastling with their machine.
“For security, I need the last four digits of your Social Security number,” she said.
“Hmmmnnnn.......” I thought to myself. “I thought I just keyed that in.”
“Yada-yada-yada-yada.”
Don’t rock the boat!
I’m at a gas-station in nearby Bloomfield.
I slide my credit-card.
“Debit?” it asks; “yes or no?”
Except I can hardly read the display — I thought it was asking “credit or debit.”
I look at the keypad; no “credit” or “debit.”
But it does have “yes” and “no.”
So I peered again at the display, observing it said “debit, yes or no.”
So I hit the “no” button, but before I did the pump just zoomed ahead.
It authorized the charge without my punching “yes” or “no.”
I’m at a supermarket in nearby Canandaigua, in a checkout line, having surveyed all the tabloids while waiting.
“Oprah preggers by alien,” “Jesus returns, and boy is he mad,” and “Are they for real? Celebrity’s ugliest beach babes. Guess who!”
I slide my credit-card though the card-reader. “Credit or debit,” it asks.
I punch “credit.”
“Credit or debit,” the gum-snapping checkout girls asks.
“I thought I just entered that,” I say.
“WOOP-WOOP-WOOP-WOOP! Ne’er-do-well alert! Security at checkout four.”
Burly skin-head thugs appear, muscles rippling.
“Wassa matter, Maureen?”
“This dude just gave me a hard time.”
“All I did was suggest I had just entered ‘credit-card’ on your machine, so your clerk’s asking was superfluous,” I said.
“You in deep trouble, boy. Call the Police! Call the Sheriff!”
Awful temerity and unmitigated gall and horrific audacity.
“What are you, some kind of terrorist?” the head skinhead asked. “A Muslim?
Slammer for you, baby!”
Bin Laden won.


• We live in the small rural town of West Bloomfield in Western NY, southeast of Rochester. Adjacent is the rural town of East Bloomfield, and the village of Bloomfield is within it.
• “Canandaigua” (“cannan-DAY-gwuh”) is a small city nearby where we live. The city is also within a rural town called “Canandaigua.” The name is Indian, and means “Chosen Spot.” —It’s about 15 miles away.