“Probably designed by an engineer”

Our fantabulous Scott-Towels® paper-towel holder, which was probably over 20 years old, finally gave up the ghost.
It finally broke, so needed to be replaced.
We couldn’t find a plastic Scott-Towels holder but we did find one made by RubberMaid®, which I ordered, and installed last night.
We put in a paper-towel roll, and on dispensing a paper-towel it promptly disgorged the entire paper-towel roll onto the floor.
“Probably designed by an engineer!” Linda snapped.
“Yup,” I thought; “probably trained at the same place that turned out that Git-R-Dun engineer that disabled the Floridy power-grid.”
The old History-major got out his trusty historian-approved Stanley® 30-foot PowerLock tape-measure, same tape-measure he used eons ago to determine room size for our new house in West Bloomfield, and determined a paper-towel roll is 11 inches long, yet the holder is 11&1/2 inches wide.
“Um, no wonder,” he thought to himself. “That’s hardly a clamp fit.
Okay, next move by History-major to kerreck the engineering of the paper-towel holder:
—A) Repair Scott-Towel paper-towel holder, or......
—B) Modify RubberMaid paper-towel holder so it ends up 11 inches wide.
No wonder there are leaks in the Big Dig.

“Linda” is my wife of 41+ years.

RE: “Probably designed by an engineer!” —My loudmouthed macho brother-from-Boston was trained as an engineer, and noisily claims superiority. I majored in History, so am therefore vastly inferior.

RE: “.....Git-R-Dun engineer that disabled the Floridy power-grid......” —About a year ago most of the Florida power-grid was disabled by an engineer operator who against company rules shut things off trying to repair things. Whenever my blowhard brother-from-Boston claims the superiority of engineers, I trot this out.

RE: “Same tape-measure he used eons ago to determine room size for our new house in West Bloomfield.....” —We live in the tiny rural town of West Bloomfield in western New York in a house designed by us. It was built in 1989.

RE: “.....leaks in the Big Dig......” —The Big Dig is the vast tunnel system through and around Boston. It has tunnels under water that leak.