Harley-momma

Late yesterday afternoon (Wednesday, August 29, 2007), after the biopsy, the vaunted Canandaigua YMCA, and of course mighty Weggers, we had to buy gas for the Bucktooth Bathtub.
So I pulled into a Sunoco along 5&20: $2.979 per gallon, although it’s 10% ethanol.
“At first I thought it was male, but now I see it’s woman,” Linda said.
I couldn’t see what she was describing; only a giant black GeezerGlide, liberally festooned with tassels and glittering trinkets — quiet because it wasn’t running.
Why is the Harley-crowd always obsessed with loud pipes? Is there a GeezerGlide with stock mufflers? How come so many have no mufflers at all?
Finally I pulled ahead to leave the gas-station.
I was presented with a visage of a graying, grizzled road-warrior, weighing at least 250 pounds.
“She sure is in horrible shape,” my wife observed.
Whatever subtle hints she may have ever had of comeliness and feminine appeal had been massively filled in with Jack Daniel's and Budweiser.
A thin cigarette, smoke curling into the stratosohere, dangled limply from her crusty lips.
Her flabby arms were liberally tattooed: “All liberals should be lined up and shot!” Blam-blam-blam-blam. (Uzis blazing on wrinkled, sunburnt skin.)
—A lexicon of tattooed Limberger blustering; all on a heaving relief-map of the Front Range of the Rockies.
Is this what comprises sexiness to the Harley-crowd?
I think somehow “show us your tits” would involve dropping her filthy Levis.

“Mighty Weggers” is Wegmans, a large supermarket-chain based in Rochester we often buy groceries at. They have a store in Canandaigua.

“The Bucktooth-Bathtub” is our 2005 Toyota Sienna van; called that because it’s white and like sitting in a bathtub, and appears to have a bucktooth on the grill.

“5&20” is the main east-west road through our area; State Route 5 and U.S. Route 20, both on the same road. 5&20 is just south of where we live.

“GeezerGlide” is what I call all Harley Davidson cruiser-bikes. My loudmouthed macho brother-in-Boston has a very laid back Harley Davidson cruiser-bike, and, like most Harley Davidson riders, is 50 years old. So I call it his GeezerGlide.

“Limberger” is Rush Limbaugh — I call him that because I think he stinks.