The learning curve
—Over the last 8-10 months of learning how to deal with women, Yr Fthfl Srvnt has noticed a few things.
Although they may only apply to the type of women I prefer: no smokers, no drinkers, no gamblers, no sluts or slatterns, no facial steel, no hair dyed green, no multi-tattooed Harley-mamas with acres of body-art.
Only the classy ones; ladies as pure as I am.
(“Balderdash!”)
And fortunately I befriended a few.
My niece’s boyfriend suggested if I really wanted to attract ladies, I should get a new Corvette.
NOPE! 100,000 smackeroos for something that attracts ladies I don’t like?
NOPE again!
Maybe a new open-roof sports-car, but I prefer All-Wheel-Drive.
I need All-Wheel-Drive to chase trains; I’m a railfan.
I can imagine even classy ladies enjoying top-down motoring.
Open-roof, wind-in-the-hair, reach for the sky: FREEDOM!
A widow friend of mine only buys convertibles. She took me along once on errands: top-down.
That was her Buick, and the first top-down convertible I ever rode in was a white 1956 Buick.
Her Buick became possessed of numerous software glitches, so she traded for another top-down convertible; this time an Audi — same color as her Buick: also white.
There’s something to be said for attracting ladies with a top-down convertible. But to me there’s gotta be more to that lady then her being attracted that way.
That lady has to be attracted to me (“Never happen!”), plus she also has to have what matters: what’s between the ears.
I used to say my beloved wife, who I lost nine years ago to cancer, was smarter than me.
I know I’m pretty smart (“Again, balderdash!”)
But I always felt like my wife was smarter than I was.
As a result of my childhood, my experience with women was/is zilch!
“What about your wife?” people ask.
“Special case,” I always say.
Hopefully I can explain that someday, but the thing to say now is I was attracted to her at first only because she was attracted to me.
We both were royally messed up. With her it was her mother, and with me it was both parents at first, but my mother got better as I got older.
I’ve always been attracted to ladies, so now that my wife is gone, I no longer hafta avoid hurting her feelings; she was rather fragile.
I can be attracted to ladies with abandon.
So how do I attract these fabulously desirable females? I.e. not turn ‘em off!
From experience:
—1) Forget telling her point-blank you find her attractive.
Inference dudes; tell her indirectly = infer it.
Maybe sluts want point-blank, but This Kid prefers class.
The mere fact I wanted to strike up a conversation with that lady tells her she attracted me.
“I see your dog is taking you for a walk,” or “I remember you; you look familiar!”
I’ve used those opening lines hundreds of times; and they usually work.
If they don’t, too bad for that girl. I coulda charmed her!
(“No way José!”)
—2) Be careful what you say to that girl. Don’t say something utterly stupid.
A while ago I commented to my lifeguard friend “I was thinking about you last night.”
She walked away in disgust; I thought I’d lost her forever.
I’m bridging the boy/girl gap; ya don’t say something like that to a classy lady.
It wasn’t evil, just poorly worded.
Perhaps because I didn’t throw up my hands shouting “No more women for this dude!”
Instead, what can I do to win my friend back? I reworded my comment into something that wouldn’t turn her off.
My experience with women is nil; but I won her back!
—3) If the girl starts talking to you, LET HER!
Don’t interrupt, don’t cut her off. I may not understand what she’s telling me, but I don’t beg clarification. That’s interrupting.
Women love talking; the simple exchange of emotions.
The fact some woman talks to me tells me I attract her.
(“She’s being sociable!”)
The fact I listen to her tells her she attracts me.
One of my widow friends told me what she dislikes most about talking with men is how they try to take over a conversation.
Even if our talking is just pointless yammering; I like hearing that lady’s pretty voice.
She’s telling me thereby that she likes talking to me.
As you all know, at a very early age I was convinced that such a thing would never happen: no girl would ever wanna talk with me.
Yet my lifeguard friend, among so many others, all of them female, never tell me to buzz off.
They never walk away; but I had to learn how to keep them from walking away.
Although they may only apply to the type of women I prefer: no smokers, no drinkers, no gamblers, no sluts or slatterns, no facial steel, no hair dyed green, no multi-tattooed Harley-mamas with acres of body-art.
Only the classy ones; ladies as pure as I am.
(“Balderdash!”)
And fortunately I befriended a few.
My niece’s boyfriend suggested if I really wanted to attract ladies, I should get a new Corvette.
NOPE! 100,000 smackeroos for something that attracts ladies I don’t like?
NOPE again!
Maybe a new open-roof sports-car, but I prefer All-Wheel-Drive.
I need All-Wheel-Drive to chase trains; I’m a railfan.
I can imagine even classy ladies enjoying top-down motoring.
Open-roof, wind-in-the-hair, reach for the sky: FREEDOM!
A widow friend of mine only buys convertibles. She took me along once on errands: top-down.
That was her Buick, and the first top-down convertible I ever rode in was a white 1956 Buick.
Her Buick became possessed of numerous software glitches, so she traded for another top-down convertible; this time an Audi — same color as her Buick: also white.
There’s something to be said for attracting ladies with a top-down convertible. But to me there’s gotta be more to that lady then her being attracted that way.
That lady has to be attracted to me (“Never happen!”), plus she also has to have what matters: what’s between the ears.
I used to say my beloved wife, who I lost nine years ago to cancer, was smarter than me.
I know I’m pretty smart (“Again, balderdash!”)
But I always felt like my wife was smarter than I was.
As a result of my childhood, my experience with women was/is zilch!
“What about your wife?” people ask.
“Special case,” I always say.
Hopefully I can explain that someday, but the thing to say now is I was attracted to her at first only because she was attracted to me.
We both were royally messed up. With her it was her mother, and with me it was both parents at first, but my mother got better as I got older.
I’ve always been attracted to ladies, so now that my wife is gone, I no longer hafta avoid hurting her feelings; she was rather fragile.
I can be attracted to ladies with abandon.
So how do I attract these fabulously desirable females? I.e. not turn ‘em off!
From experience:
—1) Forget telling her point-blank you find her attractive.
Inference dudes; tell her indirectly = infer it.
Maybe sluts want point-blank, but This Kid prefers class.
The mere fact I wanted to strike up a conversation with that lady tells her she attracted me.
“I see your dog is taking you for a walk,” or “I remember you; you look familiar!”
I’ve used those opening lines hundreds of times; and they usually work.
If they don’t, too bad for that girl. I coulda charmed her!
(“No way José!”)
—2) Be careful what you say to that girl. Don’t say something utterly stupid.
A while ago I commented to my lifeguard friend “I was thinking about you last night.”
She walked away in disgust; I thought I’d lost her forever.
I’m bridging the boy/girl gap; ya don’t say something like that to a classy lady.
It wasn’t evil, just poorly worded.
Perhaps because I didn’t throw up my hands shouting “No more women for this dude!”
Instead, what can I do to win my friend back? I reworded my comment into something that wouldn’t turn her off.
My experience with women is nil; but I won her back!
—3) If the girl starts talking to you, LET HER!
Don’t interrupt, don’t cut her off. I may not understand what she’s telling me, but I don’t beg clarification. That’s interrupting.
Women love talking; the simple exchange of emotions.
The fact some woman talks to me tells me I attract her.
(“She’s being sociable!”)
The fact I listen to her tells her she attracts me.
One of my widow friends told me what she dislikes most about talking with men is how they try to take over a conversation.
Even if our talking is just pointless yammering; I like hearing that lady’s pretty voice.
She’s telling me thereby that she likes talking to me.
As you all know, at a very early age I was convinced that such a thing would never happen: no girl would ever wanna talk with me.
Yet my lifeguard friend, among so many others, all of them female, never tell me to buzz off.
They never walk away; but I had to learn how to keep them from walking away.
Labels: Red Alert!
posted by BobbaLew at 7:05 PM
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