http:ultimaterewards.com

“Why is it,” I shouted; “every time I start ‘time-saving technology’ for a five-minute procedure it turns into a hairball that exceeds an hour?”
My credit-card has a points program. Every dollar purchased over time equals a point — or something like that; I may have that wrong.
I had 19,613 points, which equals $196.13 cash, or BJ memberships, vacation-trips to exotica, whatever — who knows? I always do cash-back: $196.13 to my credit-card, which already delays actual payment until credit-card billing.
So set up a $196.13 payback. I crank http:ultimaterewards.com into my browser: easier-said-than-done for a stroke-survivor with spastic keyboarding.
After perhaps five tries, I finally got it right. I shoulda bookmarked it. Bookmarking skonks spastic keyboarding.
BAM! Log-in required (“Welcome back, Robert”). I have the log-in on a sticky, but it faded, so I typed incomplete.
Other possible flubs await: caps or no-caps — often that matters. Secondly what if my sticky isn’t up-to-date? Log-ins seem required, even to non-bank sites.
Waah-foh I have no idea, although for a bank it’s good. 15 additional minutes of horsing. It’s also possible I’ll mistype, the bane of a stroke-survivor.
My browser memorizes log-ins. “Wanna update?” Not if it didn’t work when it hurled that message at me. If my log-in bombed, I ain’t memorizin’.
And why, pray tell, does my printer-ink site need an account? Suckerbird and his cronies pay for account-info. “A geezer, eh? Buxom hotties for ads on his Facebook!”
And just because I bought a belt at Zappos, why does my printer-ink site suggest I buy another? Why, pray tell, do I need an identical second belt, when only one works fine?
All so them Zappos dudes can pay installments on their Porsches?
My log-in attempts kept bombing, and so was my attempt to “change password.” I was set to call the bank. “Please hold during the silence. An Indonesian associate will speak to you in fractured English in three hours. BOOM-CHICKA-BOOM-CHICKA-BOOM-CHICKA-BOOM-CHICKA!”
Then they gave me a user-name for my Social Security number, plus I noticed I was incompletely entering my password.
BOINK! 30 minutes so far, but I’m logged in and can set up my payback. http:ultimaterewards.com didn’t get me the actual payback site. It got the bank’s “home” website. Glitzy offerings galore, but I did notice an “Ultimate Rewards” icon. I clicked it and set up my payback.
Balloons erupted all over my screen, rife with exploding fireworks. Do those techies have any idea? Or is this the 21st century paradigm? If I type “congrats” in a Facebook comment, it changes the font-color to red. Balloons cascade my screen. I’m supposed to think this is “neat?”
Uhm, “time-saving technology” consumed 10-12 times what was predicted. Those balloons didn’t make me happy.

• 25 years ago I had a stroke caused by an undiagnosed heart-defect since repaired. I pretty much recovered. Just tiny detriments; I can pass for never having had a stroke.
• “Suckerbird” is Mark Zuckerberg, head-honcho of Facebook.