Moments at Mighty Weggers

“Excuse me,” I said to a girl in a red Weggers coat.
She was taking electronic inventory in the funky-food section of the Canandaigua Weggers.
That’s so-called “Natural Foods,” where Weggers charges three times the price of “Froot Loops” for an exotic cereal.
My deceased uncle called it “kitty litter.”
My sister, also deceased, called “Whole Foods” “Whole Paycheck Foods.”
“Could you please tell me where funky coffee is?” I asked.
I got the look — at least six seconds.
“You know, the stuff you grind yourself.”
Thinking about this later I remembered us old geezers get to do this = drive the young pups crazy.
“So how’s everything?” a young waitress asks.
“What’s it to ya!” you snap.
Later at checkout my coffee bombed. It wouldn’t scan.
The cashier entered the number. That also bombed. Not enough numbers.
Managers got called. A young dude appeared, and tried the same things the cashier tried. Bombed again.
“I’ll hafta do a price-check,” he said. “How about if you pay for the stuff already charged, then come over to the Service Desk?” Then he swiftly strode away.
My three-minute checkout was turning into 10-15 minutes.
While waiting a customer scanned his lottery ticket in the “See if you won” scanner.
“Sorry, not a winner,” it flashed.
“Figures,” he said, as he tore up his ticket.
What it shoulda said is “Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!”

• “Mighty Weggers” is Wegmans, a large supermarket-chain based in Rochester where I often buy groceries.