Wonders never cease!

The other day (Wednesday, March 7, 2012) I got a call to my SmartPhone while driving home from the Canandaigua YMCA, where I work out.
I didn’t answer it. I don’t. That SmartPhone stays in my back pocket while driving.
My cellphone service has voicemail. I’m not about to be distracted while driving. Not after what I saw cellphone use could do while driving.
It took me across the double-yellow. I’m not having that. I ain’t answerin’ that phone!
A missed call; from an unknown number. My SmartPhone identifies calls from people in my contact-list. This was not one of them.
A message had been left, so I fired up voicemail.
It was a machine. Wonders never cease. A machine left a message.
It was MVP, my healthcare insurance. They wanted to ask a few questions. They left an 800-number that wasn’t the caller number.
So I called the 800-number later after I got home.
A machine answered.
“Blah-blah-blah-blah.”
I guess it had voice-recognition.
“Do you consider your health improved, about-the-same, or worse over the past year?”
“Improved,” I said.
If it were an actual human, I would have said “slightly improved.”
But I knew a machine couldn’t crunch that.
“Blah-blah-blah-blah.” Various questions amidst long dissertations that sounded like my mother.
“Wear your rubbers! Look out for your health! Blah-blah-blah-blah.”
Then “did you discuss exercise with your doctor last visit?”
“No,” I said.
The machine seemed crestfallen, but a machine can’t crunch a more specific answer.
“Blah-blah-blah-blah. You should discuss exercise with your doctor. Exercise is beneficial.”
The machine and its programmers erroneously presumed I don’t exercise.
Most people don’t.
What usually happens is I initiate the discussion about exercise by saying “I work out.”
The doctor is not suggesting I exercise; he’s not initiating the conversation.
What usually happens is my doctor tells me to keep it up, and then he wishes he could exercise as much as I do.
A machine can’t handle that.
Which is why my health improved slightly. I’m not short of breath, and my heart doesn’t pound.
I don’t see stars, and I can get up if I fall, which happens occasionally.
I also can climb stairs. I’m way ahead of the average person at age 68.
I see people younger than me in powered wheelchairs, and I don’t have a handicap tag like my much younger brother. —He’s 13 years younger than me, and thinks exercise a waste.
I don’t have arthritis, and my knees are what I was born with.

• I work out in the Canandaigua YMCA Exercise-Gym, appropriately named the “Wellness-Center,” usually three days per week, about two-three hours per visit. (“Canandaigua” [“cannan-DAY-gwuh”] is a small city to the east nearby where we live in Western NY. The city is also within a rural town called “Canandaigua.” The name is Indian, and means “Chosen Spot.” It’s about 14 miles away. —We live in the small rural town of West Bloomfield in Western NY, southeast of Rochester.)