Finally

Finally. (Photo by the so-called “old guy” with the dreaded and utterly reprehensible Nikon D100.)

Billie, the onliest child of our recently deceased 94-year-old nosy neighbor, has finally figured it out.
Billie is living across-the street in the home of our deceased 94-year-old nosy neighbor; and was living there when Vern died.
The 94-year-old nosy neighbor had a large selection of lawn-tractors, one of which was his so-called “Cadillac,” the John Deere pictured.
Vern had farmed out the lawn-mowing, since he was no longer able to mow.
The farm-out continued after Vern died — Billie is in his 70s.
Billie has sold everything but the John Deere, which he was using as a car.
Up the road Billie would charge with that mower; assuming it wasn’t raining. At full revs it might do 20 mph.
“That thing licensed?” we’d ask.
“Gotta mow my cousin’s yard up the street.”
“So why can’tcha mow your own yard?” we’d ask.
“Kenny owes me a mow to finish up payin’ for that Cub Cadet he bought from me. Ya shoulda bought that thing yourself!” he said.
“Wha-fo? I like my zero-turn,” I said.
“For when ya gotta turn that thing over to Leif’s.”
Yesterday afternoon (Saturday, July 26, 2008) he was mowing his yard with the John Deere.
“I see ya finally figured that thing out,” I said.
“What’s your problem?” he said.
“It’s a mower, not a car.”
“How come you’re doin’ this?” I asked.
“Because Kenny never showed up. I decided to mow it myself.”
“Took me long enough to figure out how to set this mowing-height,” he said. “I was turnin’ this knob, but ya gotta also depress this foot-pedal.”
“Yes; Vern and I went around-and-around about that,” I noted. “I had to give him a lesson; and I don’t think he ever got it. —Shoulda majored in History.”

Now if we could just get the almighty Bluster-King to figure out what his mower is for, like Billie.
First he’s gotta find it; in which case he might hafta ask Lynn-Ellen.
And mowing his lawn probably will mean less NASCAR (maybe even less GeezerGlide).
And perhaps fewer Cheetos, although I’m sure his mower-dealer could fashion a Cheeto-holder.

RE: “‘Old guy’ with the dreaded and utterly reprehensible Nikon D100.......” —My macho, blowhard brother-from-Boston, who is 13 years younger than me, calls me “the old guy” as a put-down (I also am the oldest). I also am loudly excoriated by all my siblings for preferring a professional camera (like the Nikon D100) instead of a point-and-shoot. This is because I long ago sold photos to nationally published magazines.

“Vern” was our “94-year-old nosy neighbor.”

“Kenny” is the guy that was mowing Vern’s yard. He also mows our front bank.

Our “zero-turn” is our 48-inch Husqvarna riding-mower; “zero-turn” because it’s a special design with separate drives to each drive-wheel, so it can be spun on a dime. “Zero-turns” are becoming the norm, because they cut mowing time in half compared to a lawn-tractor, which has to be set up for each mowing-pass.

“Leif’s” is my mower-man; Leif’s Sales & Service, Ltd. —A Husky outlet; my zero-turn is a Husqvarna — bought from them. It was apparently assembled by the Friday-crew; and has been returned to Leif’s at least four times for warranty service. (But I’m on my third mowing-season with it.)

My all-knowing, blowhard brother-in-Boston (the “almighty Bluster-King”), who noisily badmouths everything I do or say, excoriates me for majoring in History in college, whereas he trained in engineering, making him VASTLY superior. “Lynn-Ellen” is his wife, and does all the mowing so he can watch NASCAR, and ride his GeezerGlide.

“GeezerGlide” is what I call all Harley Davidson ElectraGlide cruiser-bikes. My loudmouthed macho brother-in-Boston has a very laid back Harley Davidson cruiser-bike, and, like many Harley Davidson riders, is over 50 (51). So I call it his GeezerGlide.

My all-knowing, blowhard brother-in-Boston is a Cheeto-junkie. During a visit last summer he bought a large bag of Cheetos®, offered me some, and I ate none. He glommed the entire bag.

RE: “A Cheeto-holder......” —Vern’s John Deere lawn-tractor had a single cup-holder.